Beauty Of Love

REGRETS

I got to my room switched the lights off and layed on my bed in the darkness.

Today was fun. I thought to myself.

As quick as that thought entered my head it got replaced by negative thoughts, I suddenly remembered the current predicament my life is in and depression took over.

I lifted up my phone to see message notifications from Larisa she sent earlier in the morning, I placed my phone back down on the nightstand besides my bed.

The depression intensified, and I felt a tear making it's way down my cheek. I closed my eyes attempting to sleep but sleep didn't make it's way to me.

I picked up my phone to see more messages Larisa sent about ten minutes ago and again I ignored them putting my phone back down again, closing my eyes attempting to sleep again.

But how could I sleep when I have so much going in my head, when my brain is tormented by all the thoughts I couldn't evade.

Sleeping is just simply hard, when you have a lot on your mind.

Then as soon as I knew it, I opened my eyes, it's now morning. Friday morning.

I woke up and washed myself up and put on an outfit preparing to go to the hospital for my check up.

"Kyle are you done it's almost time to go!" My mom hollered from the kitchen.

I went on to the kitchen quickly graped something to eat then we headed on into the car including my father.

We got to the hospital and my doctor, Dr. Mark Williams did the check up and ran some tests then we waited in the waiting room for the results. That had to be another boring part about hospitals, having to wait in the waiting room with literally nothing to do.

After a few minutes about 10 minutes Dr. Mark came back with the results, and the results he came bearing were not good at all.

They showed the activities I was doing yesterday and all that drinking and smoking hookah did no good on my health at all, in fact it made it worse, possibilities that my life span would be reduced to less that ten years were extremely great.

My mom got really furious when she had about what occurred yesterday because I had confessed when the doctor saw some peculiarities in my system and asked me what happened.

She was really infuriated and hurt too, I really felt bad because clearly some people took my health and life more seriously than I the owner did.

My father just stood there trying to comfort and calm my mother but he was also pissed and hurt too, he didn't say a thing but you could just see it, from his eyes, and that also hurt me even more.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely with a low tone.

Those were the only words my mouth could utter. I had no any other idea what to say or how to react. Guilt was tearing me up into pieces.

From there we went home and a few words were spoken, it was just, silence, till we went to sleep.

And like all the other recent nights everything was the same, with thoughts haunting me, tears watering the pillow. And it seemed to be getting worse each night, especially that night because my head was just filled with guily and regrets, and the more I thought about Larisa, the more brocken my heart gets. I didn't even have the fuel to lift up my phone and check the messages, all I wanted was to sleep, and the fact that I knew I was still going to be awake for hours made me to just want to die.

That's it. What I was feeling, the feeling I was trying to avoid all time.

The truth, deep down I knew what the truth was, I wanted to just disappear, to vanish and be free from all those taunting things.

Deep down I knew, I simply wanted to die.