My lyrics

My knee + your balls = pain

There wasn't much light coming in to the room this morning. That's strange. I don't even have a cover on and I was still in the same clothes I was wearing yesterday. Did I stay at Angie's house again? She always steals the covers but I normally borrow a hoodie and some jogging bottoms. Maybe I accidentally fell asleep and she left me the way I was. Silence drifted around me. Apparently she wasn't moving about so I hugged my chest more and tried to fall back into a deep sleep. Oh fuck. Full bladder. Pee alert. Ugh I don't want to get up. That's so much effort. Getting up in the morning has always been one of the hardest things to do. I was so comfortable and warm like this. Why me? Why now? Some of life's unanswered questions. I forced one eye to open while I rubbed the other one. A huge TV spun into focus. This wasn't Angie's place. We would watch Netflix on her iPad because she didn't have a TV either. Then it all came rushing back to me. It hit me like a hurricane, leaving me in a ravaged mess. I felt the sudden urge to punch something. Or, you know, someone. All the sadness that I harboured yesterday was gone and was now replaced with anger. Lots of it. I was ready to scream and break everything in sight. I would but if I moved around too much I would actually pee myself. I decided to yank my body off the sofa and make my way up the mountain of stairs. I ended up crawling up them like an injured soldier. Battling my way past the shoes. Okay, well I might have over exaggerated that, there were about four pairs of shoes on the stairs and I'm pretty sure I looked like a sloth. Anyway, once I was up I was confronted by three doors, all light blue. I'm guessing that one of these is the bathroom. Well all I can do is guess. I walked to the one at the end of the hallway thing, put my hand on the doorknob, hoping it wasn't Del's room, and pushed down. It opened to reveal a, pretty much, empty room. To the left of me there was a huge wardrobe that took up the whole wall, if it was any bigger there would be no room for the door that I walked through. There were two beds, one with its left side against the left wall and the other with its right side against the back wall. And on one of them was a heap of fluff that looked like a really warm jumper. I wanted to touch it but I couldn't hold it for much longer. My bladder was constricting and was ready to push. Slamming the door closed I rushed to the next one. Del's room or not I was going to pee. I seriously couldn't care anymore. The door swung open and I was so relieved to see a toilet.

After that eventful part of my life I wandered back down the stairs knowing that I would definitely not be able to get back to sleep. My stomach began signalling its need for food. It wasn't just my stomach, my whole body was ready for 'comfort eat' mode. Swallowing my feelings in food form. Sounds good to me. I trudged towards the kitchen. To trudge. Oh 'A Knights Tale' I love you. Anyway, I guessed because I was living here now that I was just allowed to take food. I opened the fridge to find a carton of juice and a what looked, and smelled, like a month old sandwich. Nice. "Staying classy, Del, staying classy." I grabbed the juice, turned and crashed into something. The object gave out a gruff "Ugh". It was Del. Isn't this just amazing. He looked down at me as if I was a bag of shit, which really isn't far off but come on. I can breathe. And walk. That's got to mean something. Saying nothing he plucked the carton out of my hand, took a swig, placed it back and shut the fridge door on me. A squeal escaped me. What the fuck was he thinking? I'm standing right here. What a prick. I went to a random cupboard and opened it. Fuck yes. It was full of food, chocolate in particular. The only one for me. I now need nothing else in my life. I grabbed an armful of junk and turned to leave when I heard something behind me. "Bit much don't you think?" That was it. I was really not in a good mood anyway. I mean as if shutting a door on me wasn't enough already. Putting the food on the side I faced him. "Excuse me? You don't have any right to say anything about me. You don't even know me." He didn't look at me and my voice raised into a shout. "You're fucking ridiculous. I lost my apartment because of you. I lost my girlfriend because of you and you can't even look at me. What the fuck is wrong with you?" My hand went up to meet his face and he tugged my wrist, he was holding it hostage. I began squirming, trying to get free. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." He shot daggers at me and before I could think I just brought my knee up to his 'family jewels' and crushed them. His grip loosened completely and he fell to the floor. "And I wouldn't do that, you prick." I was actually feeling pretty proud of myself that I thought of how to get him while under pressure. "Also seeing as there's no one actually staying in, what I'm assuming is the, guest room I'm going to be staying there. This was fun, we should do it again some time." After saying that I picked up all the food on the side and pranced upstairs.