Hearts of Wrath and Ruin | Throne of Glass | Fenrys

Chapter 3

Doranelle was as beautiful as ever. Lush green forests covering the hills in the countryside teemed with life, and turquoise rivers flowing through the valleys glimmered like ribbons of silk in the sunlight. The very air was filled with magic, an ancient and steady presence thrumming in the background. With the absence of Maeve's dark power looming over it, the land seemed to come alive again in ways that hadn't been possible before.

Yet, every step Fenrys took towards the City of Rivers, filled him with more dread. His stomach had been in knots for days and nightmares plagued his dreams every night. That is, if he even dared to sleep at all. At this point it was months since he left Orynth and the plains of Terrasen, with a promise to his queen to find the last missing member of the cadre. He searched in any place he could think of, but it seemed like dear old Vaughan had disappeared from the face of the world.

Fenrys didn't really think that he would find the warrior anywhere near the heart of Doranelle, but he would try anyway. It was a last-ditch effort, but it was worth a shot, if only to convince himself that he could do something right. Honestly, he didn't know what he was trying to prove or to whom. He told himself that he just didn't want to dissapoint his queen. But the truth was, Aelin was also his friend, and he knew that she would never blame him if he failed at this. She probably wouldn't care at all, she would just be happy to see him coming home.

Home.

He almost snorted at the thought. Wasn't home supposed to be a place where people felt happy? Fit in? Well, he didn't. All of his friends seemed content to move on and live their best lives while he still felt stuck in one place. He would never dare condemn them for their happiness, but he couldn't help but feel jealous every time he witnessed it. So yes, he loved Terrasen and it's people. But no, it didn't feel like home. Even though he wished it did.

It was one of the main reasons why he took the task of finding Vaughan upon himself. That, and he hoped he could somehow get his shit together while he was at it. Right now it seemed like his journey was coming to an end, and he wasn't any closer to his goals than he was when he started.

A shilouette of a great city loomed ahead and he could already hear countless roaring waterfalls that surrounded it. His steps faltered and a drop of cold sweat rolled down his spine, as memories that he tried to keep at bay for days finally broke to the surface. He dreaded going back to that city and the stone castle in it's heart more than he was willing to admit.

But he had to go. Make that last push forward and hope for the best. Besides, he knew he had to face it at some point if he wanted to keep what was left of his sanity. Maybe seeing Sellene Whitethorn sitting on that throne would change his perspective.

He had to hold back a cringe at his thoughts.

He knew damn well that revisiting the place from his nightmares wouldn't make his demons go away. But he was a stubborn bastard and he would desperately cling to that helpless thought for as long as he could. Because what else did he have left? He didn't know how to function like a normal person anymore. How could he ever feel at home amongst the most fearless people he had ever met, when he was a coward running from his past?

With that conviction in mind, he quickened his pace once more and headed towards the city.

Hours and many pointless conversations later, Fenrys knew that his search was as fruitless as he initially feared. He had been wandering the streets, visiting all places where he thought people could have heard anything about Vaughan, but to no avail. He knew he was grasping at straws, listening to rumours in taverns and asking around in shops. There was only one place in that damned city where he could find any valuable information and unfortunately it was also the one place he wanted to avoid at all cost. The mighty shadow of the castle seemed to mock him as he slowly made his way towards it, the sun already setting beyond the horizon, painting the sky with hues of red and purple.