Sanders Sides : Falling Apart ... (1/2)

Chapter 1 - Act 4

Chapter Name : Illogical
Act 4 - Repression Overload

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Included Characters : Logan & Janus

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[ POV - Logan ]

I emerged into my room, and sat down at my desk, frustrated.

What use am I when Thomas chooses to ignore logic?

I angrily slammed by pen into my desk at an attempt to let out some figurative steam.

"This is incredibly frustrating, and frankly- Very stressful. But I am sure I.. Can handle this... Right?"

"Right, sure you can Logan." Said a voice.
I looked over and saw it was Deceit, or Janus.
"It seems your attempt at helping Thomas went good." He added.

"Deceit?"

"Janus is fine, Logan."

Someone reasonable to talk to... That is good.

"What do you want to talk about Janus? I highly doubt you would visit me at this moment if it was not important." I asked.

"Yes, yes, you are correct. Now, you know I am... Deceit, as you called me not too long ago-"

"To the point Janus." I said cutting him off.

"Alright. Thomas has been lying to himself a lot Logan. I am sure you can tell. As much as I mind all the lying, we talked about how "too much" is bad not long ago either."

"Yes, yes. I am aware. It is frustrating." I replied.

"Lying to ignore the voice of reason... It's as ridiculous as a....- ... Uhm..."

I looked at him, raising an eyebrow waiting for what he'll say for his simile.

"Nevermind that- But really Logan, you should really not lie to yourself either! I can tell you are hanging by a thread, all thanks to lies..."

He was right. I was lying to myself.
Perhaps I was confusing "hope" with "lying"... It seems those two words are closely connected when it comes to this, different? Yes. Very much so. But the figurative line is thin, and can be crossed easily without anyone noticing.

Every day waking up, thinking that they will finally listen to the voice of reason, me. But alas I kept saying such to myself. Hurt by the insults and names uttered, however it really does not affect me much, but to say that they did not hurt at all is a lie.

"You out of everyone should know that the lies I have told myself are very much needed, as you yourself stated that I was hanging by a figurative 'thread'... I am, quite sure I am reaching my limit with these shenanigans." I replied to Janus, and I was met with a slight smile from him.

"Yes... Of course. Listen, Logan. You out of everyone should know too that the repression of emotions is illogical. Whilst logic functions better without the so called "bias", emotions are still something that can work hand in hand with logic." Janus said, looking at me seriously.

"Your statement makes sense.
However, I believe Thomas has enough "emotions" 'going on'. That adding myself into the equation would be... Disastrous, especially considering that what I am feeling is rage. But frankly, I think I can handle i-"

"Logan, would you rather stop the lies now and release all this pent up stress when you can still manage it, or release it on accident when you inevitably reach your limit? Don't think Remus hasn't told me about your little outburst in anger.

Know your limits Logic." Janus said with a stern tone, looking at me.

"Perhaps you are right... However I do not know where to begin Janus."

"Let your emotions out. Stop holding them in. Go ahead and take your anger out on a punching bag, you can materialize one can't you? It is your room after all." He replied.

"Yes-" I summoned a punching bag "I indeed can." I finished saying before punching as hard as I could, and I just kept punching, and punching. Letting my anger out.

"Say what you want to say Logan." Janus uttered.

And so I did.

Letting out all this stress felt good.

I felt good.

| Time Passing |

"You did horrible Logan. How do you feel?"

"Somewhat... more adequate." I replied.

As I said that I felt as if I was being summoned. However, I refused. Wanting to stay by Janus.

"... Janus?"

"Yes? What is it."

"I... thank you. For not cutting me off." I told him, and Janus looked at me, asking; "Are you ready to tell me what is fully wrong now?"

"I suppose. Alright. As you heard, I was... Quite angered. Mostly at the others. I insist that I do not feel, even though I do as to increase my... "Efficiency" however. The recent developments have made it incredibly stressful for me. Even more than before.

They listened to me in regards to first meeting Remus, but that was one of the first times in a... long while, and it is back to mostly ignoring me.
I find it hard to do my function, Janus. And I believe you know. Thomas has been avoiding logic and lying to himself just to do what he wants, as much as I do agree that lying to ones-self for comfort is normal, this is out of hand metaphorically. Physical well-being matters just as much as Mental well-being... However the others do not exactly see this problem. You are the only one who seems to understand.

I... Just .. Feel frustrated. I wish to be heard. This.... I- .... I just...."

"Logan." Janus interrupted as I looked at him.

"I understand. And I do wish I can drop the lies, however.... It's what Thomas wants. Whatever he does not want to know, he will not know. And it seems you have fallen into the category... However I believe we can try together to get Thomas to realize the truth." Janus said.

"That.... Would be great, Janus."

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Total Word Count : 971

Note : Lowkey starting to want to ship Loceit.