Resentment

Chapter Seven

Four weeks after Dirk threw a fit and tried to kill Karkat. Friday night.

Dave was laying face up on the hood of a car, a blue car, an old blue car that barely worked anymore. The sun was setting, casting yellow and pink over the sky in a pretty way. But Dave wasn't smiling, he wasn't admiring the sunset, he was thinking.

The car was parked in the empty parking lot where he and Dirk would used to meet up. John was standing beside the hood of the car, watching Dave.

Not much had happened in the past month. Dirk had still left early for school every day, it had become a habit of his to leave school with Roxy on Fridays and not come home until late Saturday. Dave didn't know if Dirk had been eating, or sleeping, or taking care of himself in any way. Well, he had to be doing some eating, he was scrawny and fragile now but still alive. Not even he could go an entire month without eating.

Dave had started hanging out with Karkat again, talking to him at lunch and after school. He didn't know if Karkat tried to talk to Dirk again, though. Not that that mattered. Dave had mostly gotten over Dirk by now.

That was a lie. He wanted to burst out crying, he wanted to hide in his room, he wanted to give up and stop eating like Dirk had. But he was better than that, he wasn't stupid enough to let himself go in such a way.

But he was trying to force himself into things. Force himself to talk to other people, think of other people in the way he thought of Dirk once. Of course, he couldn't bring himself to do that.

But you do remember the argument the two had right before Dave told Dirk he liked him? Like, two chapters ago? Dirk had accused Dave of liking John. He had reason to. They hung out a lot and Dave did hang a bit close to the small brunette.

Truth be told, he did have feelings for John. Little ones, of course. Not like he wanted to stay with him forever, but like puppy love. Like he wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and snuggle, but not necessarily fuck him up against a wall like he would Dirk.

That being said, that's why he was with John at the moment, that's why he was laying on the hood of John's car at sunset. He was trying to force himself to move on, force himself to feel that way about John.

Maybe he was doing what he had done to Karkat that night, when Dirk trying to smash his rib cage. Maybe he was just lonely and needed someone else there, maybe he didn't care about John at all. Well, as friends of course. But nothing more than that, really.

"Dave," John said, interrupting his thoughts and climbing onto the hood next to him. Dave didn't move, only looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Hm?" he responded. John knew something was up, he had thought it to be a bit weird when Dave asked him on a small date that costed almost nothing. But he didn't question it, until now when they were alone.

"Whatcha thinking about?" John inquired, moving across the hood to lean over Dave holding himself up with his hands on either side of Dave's head. Dave looked up at him and gave him a tight grin.

"Just school and stressful shit like that." Stressful shit like whether your brother was doing drugs and getting fucked so hard he couldn't stand, when he really didn't want to be.

John leaned in closer and rested his head on one elbow, running a hand through Dave's hair. He had liked Dave for a long time, had romantic feelings for him. When he had heard about Dirk and Dave a while ago, he had been smashed and avoided Dave because it hurt. Not because he was shunning him. Then when Dave had asked him out his heart had almost leapt out of his chest in excitement. He had known something wasn't right, but he hadn't known that Dave was unintentionally using him.

"Don't think about that right now," John said kissing Dave's temple. "Right now it's just you and me, school can go fuck itself."

Dave couldn't help but grin. He did like talking to John no matter how dorky it ended up being. John leaned down and pressed his lips to Dave's, kissing him softly.

Dave didn't hesitate to kiss back, and put his hand on the back of John's head to pull him closer. Their kissing stayed gentle, but fingers knotted in hair and grips became tighter on each other.

~

She hit him, over and over again. Of the entire month and a half they had been doing that, he hadn't shown emotion once. He hadn't shown want for her once.

Roxy's make up streamed down her cheeks as her hits got softer and weaker, crying silently and not looking at Dirk's face. His chest was red and scratched from her hits and from her nails, would probably have some bruises.

Dirk was pressed against the wall, shirtless and letting her hit him. He let her do whatever she wanted, he would go along with it, but he never desired what she did and that made her mad. Furious, even.

"Why won't you love me??" she muttered, and leaned against his chest, crying and shaking with sobs.

She was definitely going about finding love in all the wrong ways. But, if he said that out loud she would probably start hitting him again. He knew she had problems and he wanted to help, but she wouldn't let him help in any way rather than "Strip and let me fuck you."

After a couple moments of her crying against him, she stepped back and rubbed her eyes, smearing her make up even more. "Get out. I'm done with you," she said.

Dirk's heart stopped. Did she mean like, forever?? Or just for the weekend??

She looked at his face and saw the look in his eye, the way he had looked at her changed. He obviously was excited she didn't want him, excited she was kicking him out.

"Yes. You heard me. Get out. I don't want you coming to school early for me anymore, I don't want you to come home with me Fridays anymore. I don't want to see your face," she said, her voice shaking and choking on some words. It hurt that no one wanted to be around her. And she didn't know how to get them to like her, either.

Dirk knitted his eyebrows together and leaned in just enough to kiss her forehead, then stepped back and picked his shirt up. "Thanks, Rox. I'm sorry for being like this," he told her, pulling his shirt back on and grabbing his stuff. Before she could say anything else, he was out.

He hadn't eaten in nearly a week, and the last thing he had eaten was half a sandwich Roxy had crammed down his throat. Sure she was using him and forcing herself on him, but she also cared about his well being at least a little.

He smelled revolting, the only thing even resembling a shower in the past month was when Roxy had dumped a bucket of water on his head saying "You smell awful do something about it."

He actually grinned for the first time in a long time. He didn't have to deal with that anymore, he could do whatever he wanted. He could talk to Dave again without as much guilt weighing on his shoulders.

He could tell Dave about what happened, he could make it up to him and tell him he was sorry. Maybe they would even get back together! Well, he wasn't sure about that last part. But he would talk to Dave again.

Then his heart sank in his chest again. He passed by the parking lot, and saw John and Dave kissing. Sure Dave wasn't making it rough like he would with Dirk, but did that mean anything? Did that mean he cared more about John, or that he just didn't want John as bad?

He didn't want to think about that. He would just go the long way home, and take a long shower like he used to.