You Are Home [Hwang2Shin]

CH. 13

You hadn't been at Yeji and Ryujin's for very long when Yeji declared that Friday evenings were to be what she called "vintage movie nights." At the time you didn't really get what she meant but -- like anything Yeji suggested -- you were excited about it.

One day the three of you drove up to Yeji's dad's house (even though he wasn't home, since he was still working at a hospital in Africa) and collected a box full of rectangular, plastic "videotapes" and a dusty machine called a "VCR."

While Yeji and Ryujin selected the tapes they wanted, you took a moment to wander around the first floor of the house. It was large and airy, with creaky wooden floors and white crown moulding, and you could imagine how grand it must have been back when it was brand new. Not that it wasn't grand now, in a modern sort of way -- the stone counters were cold and smooth under your fingertips, and you could practically see your reflection in the stainless steel appliances. Still, it was difficult to envision your Yeji growing up here.

Then you saw it -- a framed photo above the mantle, positioned just where a photo of you, Yeji, and Ryujin sits back at home. In this one, a younger Yeji is in the center, all smiles and sunburnt cheeks. She's resting her head on the shoulder of a woman, who's looking down at her like she's never been happier than in this moment. On Yeji's other side is John -- you recognize him from photos at home -- who's standing with his arms wrapped around the two of them, head thrown back like someone just told the most hilarious joke.

It made you feel sad and happy all at once. "That was back at our old house," Yeji said from behind you. "My dad moved here after she died. We took that photo not long before her car accident, actually." Her voice sounded hollow, and it scared you. You wondered if Yeji has a special empty place in her mind, too, one she can retreat to when it all becomes too much.

"She seems kind," you said. "You look like her." You felt Yeji squeeze your shoulder. "Thanks, kiddo," she said, and she sounded a bit more like herself. "The two of you would've gotten along really well, you know. She'd have loved you." The thought of Yeji's mom liking you -- loving you -- filled your chest with pride. You wrapped your arm around Yeji's waist and rested your head on her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. My dad always said my mom and I were like two peas in a pod -- we both have great taste. And I love you, so she definitely would've, too." Ever since you'd learned that Yeji had lost her mom, you'd felt sorry for her, but these past few moments changed your perspective.

You wish Yeji didn't have to lose her mom, but now you knew how lucky she was to have had a mother who loved her so very much. You look up at her, and she's smiling down at you like she's never been happier than in this moment. (Like the way she always looks at you.) (And Ryujin.)

In the book you're reading -- a large hardcover you borrowed from Yeji's office -- there's a line about how the people you love never truly leave you.

Here, in her father's empty house, you finally understand what that means.

It took some frustration and a trip to Best Buy to get the VCR hooked up to the flat screen in the living room, but once Ryujin finally got it working Yeji pulled her down on the middle of the carpet and kissed her face with so much affection and softness you kinda want to look away.

You knew Ryujin hadn't seen most of the video tapes in the box, nor did she have the same positive association with them as Yeji -- with her happy childhood -- but when Yeji set her free Ryujin was flushed and beaming. Not for the first time you wondered if Yeji's enthusiasm has transitive properties, because you were welling with anticipation, too.

The film Yeji chose for the first vintage movie night was "Beauty and the Beast," and you liked it a lot. It's funny, because Yeji was so excited to watch it, but it seemed like she spent most of the film with her eyes on Ryujin, and every so often you caught her glancing over at you.