Chapter track-
Everytime- Britney Spears
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Sia
Those beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever dared to notice those intimidating eyes? Wouldn't anyone just fall in love with them had they only seen the presence of gold flecks within the sea of gray?
He's so beautiful and in such an extraordinary manner. A body possessing a rare personality, as rare as the colour of his eyes.
I'm confessing today. I don't care if he likes Bianca, it's not like she likes him back. I'm gonna swallow my pride and I'm gonna tell him how I feel. I can't hold it in my heart anymore.
Can't believe I am this desperate!
"Rohan," He hums as a response and continues to play the melody on the piano. "I.. I.. uh.. How are you?" I'm seriously loosing my shit. I've never been this scared in my life.
He pauses and shrugs before continuing with the keys.
I just need to rip off this bandage.
"Ilikeyou,"
"What?" He's looking at me as if I grew two heads.
"I said it!" There's no longer denying so I let it out. "I like you, Rohan."
"But I like Bian-"
"Yes, you've said that already." Now I'm probably turning crimson. "But I still like you." I force myself to look at him, to find hope in his eyes. Expecting if he could somehow give us a chance.
"I'm sorry, Sia." That's all he says before turning back to his keys. I stand up to leave, still expecting that he might stop me, but he doesn't. I walk out of the hall, expecting that he'd call out my name but he doesn't. I blink several times, expecting to stop my tears from pouring out, but it doesn't.
I would've never done this if I'd had a faintest idea that rejection could hurt so bad.
......
Damn, I wish I could stop feeling miserable. Nothing feels good anymore. Is this like a punishment for rejecting so many guys who've approached me? Did they feel the same like I'm feeling right now? I believe they didn't because I think their feelings for me weren't as strong as I have for Rohan.
Do I love Rohan?
Probably not. I desperately hope it's not love, I don't wanna be the girl who gets rejected by her first love. I'm sure it isn't love. I'm too young for that. It's just a crush. Exactly! Just a crush.
We're hanging out in a park after church and I'm sitting by the bench, observing everyone and trying to console myself that the rejection was nothing. Nothing has changed and everything is as normal as always, only that it's not because I can't act normal.
Rohan usually hangs out with us on Sunday afternoons and I'm always looking forward to it. But today, it's just to awkward. I can't even look at him, not that he cares.
"Penzo, stop making a fool of yourself by running after her for no reason." I scold him as he sits beside me.
"I'm not running after her for no reason." Penzo answers. "I know she likes me, you have seen how happy she gets when I'm around, right? She's just confused right now."
"Don't get fooled by the smile." Who knows it better than I do?
"I'm not getting fooled. All she needs is to realise. Just wait and see." Saying that, he storms away to act like a dork, just to make her laugh.
I don't want to hate her.
God, help me.
It's not even her fault.
I don't want to hate her.
I love her so much.
I'm so angry, I'm so sad I just can't deny. I can't stay here anymore. I'm dying to curl up on my bed and cry. It's only a crush, I'll be okay if I cry it out.
"Guys! I'll leave first." Without waiting for their response, I put on my headphones and walk my way towards home.
.....
It's awkward.
It's awkward.
It's so damn awkward.
That confession is literally the worst decision I ever made. If I hadn't done that, it wouldn't be this awkward being in the same room where Rohan is. And it's not just me, it's probably awkward for him as well.
I could just avoid hanging out with the gang all together and I could isolate myself for good but I realised that awkwardness is not the only thing that's been torturing me. It's probably more than a crush.
It's been weeks but I can't subside the feelings I have for him. Embarrassment? Of course I'm embarrassed. Getting your heart thrown back is no joke but despite that, I'm unable to move on. To make it worse, I think more about him. When his around, I'm more nervous, desperately awkward, a complete fool but when he isn't, all I do is miss him.
Oh I'm such a mess!
"Is something wrong?" Bianca asks as she's brushing her hair in front of the mirror. "You're acting different lately."
"No," I say, forcing my eyes away from the ceiling to fake a smile at her. "I'm just stressed out for the exams." I lie with a shrug.
"Okay," She says, but I'm sure she doesn't buy it. "Well, then- " she's inturpted as her phone chimes.
"Hello," Whosoever is talking to her from the other end is probably not telling her good news because I can see the blood leaving out of her face, and I can't stop my heart from racing.
"What?" I ask as soon as she keeps her phone down.
"Your mother, Roh.. Rohan.." She swallows with dread. "His mother.. she's no more."
And now I feel like my soul left my body.
......
This is sad beyond every bad things I've ever known. It's hard for me even to imagine how Rohan's feeling right now.
It's too painful to watch him like this.
All these funeral rituals, it's too horrible to watch. He's just a boy, it's so unfair. What did he ever do to deserve carrying his mother on a bier?
But he isn't even crying and it's worse because he isn't letting it out.
His father is present, but isn't doing much. I don't know if he even wants to be here, I doubt he even cares because he leaves before Rohan and others leave for cremation service.
They return and now Rohan is bald and wearing white but he's still not crying and I'm worried. There are so many people in this huge mansion, most of them are probably his relatives, but no body seems to care about him. Everyone seems busy, but I simply can't figure out why.
Now, as per the rituals, Rohan is sitting in this uncomfortable makeshift bed on the floor, and it's been like ages since I've last heard him speak.
How can life be this unfair to you?
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A/N- So, what do you think?
Did you like Sia's POV? I know you aren't catching her in her best situation but what can I say? It's necessary. Anyways, you'll get more of her, I literally mean it.
Happy reading,
Love ya
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