Chay Has A Secret

18

The past few days in the mansion had been hectic. After Nok and Venice were cleared to leave the hospital and go to the mansion, everyone kept wanting to be around the 2. Chay was allowed to go back to the mansion he he was finally allowed to wear binders again making him feel much more comfortable in his own skin, with the exception of the ugly scar he now had on his left side. He and his Hia found him a therapist that they felt comfortable with. He hasn't had much progress, but he's happy that he's been having help. But he still was afraid of leaving the mansion. Chay almost had a panic attack when Macau suggested they go to the market that was only 2 blocks away. He felt fine until he they walked towards the exit when Chay suddenly froze and started to cry in fear, causing everyone their to look at Chay in worry and confusion before he ran back to his room. He didn't know what came over him, but he couldn't handle being outside. He's gotten used to walking around with the knife Macau gave him in his pocket at all times. He also started therapy. He and Porsche decided that it would benefit him a lot if he talked to a professional and found a therapist who they liked and who was willing to commute to the mansion. Chay just came back from another therapy session and was not in the best mood.

Dr.Preaw decided to ask if the kidnapping affected any of his relationships, and Chay was honest and said that his relationship with Macau was severely affected. He couldn't kiss his boyfriend without thinking of Him. He could let Macau touch him with our thinking of Him. He couldn't even think about having sex with Macau without thinking of Him trying to rape him. His therapist said that it was very common for suriviors of sexual assault to feel like that. But she encouraged him to try to spend more time with Macau and do activities that have very light contact to see if every touch affected him or just some. Chay knew he had to, but it still bothered him. He laid in bed annoyed, just trying to think of Macau to make him happy. And that's when the thoughts turn more.... Naughty. Chay was surprised, honestly. He hadn't been able to even kiss Macau without thinking of Him. But suddenly, he just felt very horny. He decided to try. He knew asking Macau for help might trigger him, but maybe by himself, he could do something. He locked his door and tried to see if he could just think of Macau and not Him. And for the most part, he could. But still, sometimes the touch of his own hand made him flinch as He flooded Chay's mind, making him have to stop and open his eyes and take a few deep breaths. But he managed to push though before...

"Hey Chay, you left the door..."

"OH MY GOD, CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR." Chay yelled as he covered himself with his blanket and Macau closed the door behind him quickly.

"Jesus." Macau said before turning around. "Next time make sure the door is actually closed." Macau said making Chay flush red in embarrassment as he hid himself under the blanket and tried to dress himself. "Aw. Chay none of that." He said sitting on the end of the bed. "No need to be so embarrassed. You know I jerk off every once and a while so I understand. You know if you ever need help you can always call me." Macau joked but Chay only teared up. "Hey let me look at you." Macau said pulling the blanket down to see Chay's face only to see his tears. "Hey. What's wrong?" He asked worried. "I was just joking, you can have you own private time." Macau said only for Chay to sob. "What's wrong?" Macau said going closer but not close enough to touch him knowing that it might trigger him.

"I don't know if I'll be able to have sex with you again." Chay said surprising Macau.

"Okay? And?" He asked surprising Chay.

"What do you mean 'And?'" Chay asked.

"Well, if you don't want to, or don't think you can, I'm not gonna force you. I told you Chay. I love you, not your body." He said softly. "Don't try to force yourself if you're not ready yet. I'll wait for decades if I have to. I want you to be comfortable and happy too Chay. Sex is gonna be about the both of us, not just me and not just you. So I'm not gonna let you push yourself when you know you're not ready just because you think I want it. If you don't want it, than I don't want it either, then we watch a movie or go eat or just do something else." Macau said softly. "I'm not gonna let our relationship be ruined over something small like sex."