ꜱᴏꜰᴛ ꜱᴘᴏᴛ (ONGOING)

2: Grandma's Plan

Gwendolyn "GiGi" Shafer
"Big mama I don't know. I'm not comfo—"

"Look at yourself." She told me as she turned me in the direction of my full-body mirror and stood behind me. "You're gorgeous GiGi—"

"No." I tried turning away from the mirror and she placed her hands on my shoulders keeping me there.

"Your pretty brown skin. Full lips. Your natural curves. That full head of thick beautiful hair underneath this hair that belongs to someone or something else."

I burst out laughing at the sound of that. This woman knew just how to ruin a moment that was supposed to be sentimental and that's what I loved about her. I loved the way she embraced everything about herself from her natural fro, not being a size 2, her funky style of clothing, and the way she just loved herself for her. She was truly comfortable in the skin she was in and I lived vicariously through her always hyping her up. So why was it so hard for me to live like that and embrace whatever beauty she saw in me and my body?

She'd invited Akari to dinner and for a second I thought she was trying to get her groove back since I hadn't seen her with anyone since my grandfather had passed 4 years ago. But when she rushed into my bedroom and closed the door and dragged me to my closet and started searching for something for me to wear I finally understood. She was trying to set me up with this guy and I wasn't interested. I'd watched him from the window a few times and had even gotten myself off to him for the first time today. However, it was just a little fantasy. I didn't want to interact with the guy let alone date him.

My grandmother had invited him to stay for dinner and told him he could shower. She even gave him a black tank top, a pair of new boxers, and a pair of sweatpants until his clothes were done washing. She was washing this nigga's clothes! I was too done. She'd picked out this one-piece black bodysuit for me and I was skeptical. I'd bought so many clothes that I thought were cute knowing I'd never step foot out of this house in them. My legs/thighs were huge and showing them off tonight in front of a man that damn fine made me even more nervous. I felt like a cow, and the only time I was comfortable staring at myself in the mirror was when nothing was revealed. My breasts were spilling out of this thing and my gut was pretty visible. Ugh. I missed my coke bottle frame. Now I was a fucking keg.

I saw so many girls my age who were happy with themselves or who had the perfect everything. Some days I didn't want to get out of bed because I didn't like who I was. I felt terrible and feeling terrible always made me turn to food. Food I'd recently started making myself throw up to avoid any extra pounds.

"Do you always have to say the first thing that comes to mind?" I smiled, shaking my head as I stared at her through the mirror. She walked around me and stood in front of me, moving my hair off my shoulder.

"You better know it. I know you think I just say things just because I'm your grandmother but you really are a gorgeous young woman. You go to work every day and you help me out around the house. You do a lot of things before I can even think to do it or ask. Having you live here with me has been a joy but baby it's time you do something to make you happy." She told me.

"Is that why you're pimping me out.." I joked but she didn't find it funny.

"Pimping you out?" She arched a brow. "Is that what you think this is?"

I turned and walked toward my bed, plopping down with my hands in my lap as I held my head down. She walked toward me.

"Listen to me..." She lifted my head. "I'd never do anything like that. Akari is a sweet young man and all he asks abou— well, I better go get dinner started. If you'll be more comfortable in something else then you can change. Just know I meant no harm sweet face. I love you." She leaned down, kissing my forehead as a tear slipped down my cheek.