Pancakes at The Diner (on pause)

02: In Which Gregory Is Hungry

Gregory stares at the plate of cold, uneaten pancakes before him. He never came to The Diner to eat, but it got to the point where he felt obligated to order something as he sat in his usual spot near the door. His favorite was the pancakes: they were the cheapest option. Sometimes, he'd order a coffee and drink that, but only if he hadn't eaten that morning. It took a lot of discipline to have the pancakes just sit in front of him, tempting him.

"Excuse me, do you want a box to take that home?" the waiter asks, coming up behind him. He's one of Gregory's favorites to watch. He manages to make every one of his customers smile, even the girl in the corner who looks like she's about to have a heart attack any time someone else comes close.

Gregory contemplates his choices. He can take the pancakes home and save his reputation, only to throw them away later, or he can decline and have the entire restaurant wonder why a growing boy would order pancakes, not eat them, then refuse to take them home.

"Yeah, thanks," he says.

"You weren't hungry today?" the waiter asks with a smile.

"No." Not today. Not ever.

The waiter picks up Gregory's plate and says, "I'll bring this right back out in a box."

Gregory's stomach growls quietly, betraying him, but the waiter is already far enough away so that it's inaudible. Gregory turns his attention to the customers around him, in an attempt to distract himself.

His eyes flit from the mother and daughter enjoying a late lunch to the group of teenage boys in the corner competing to see who can consume the most food in a set amount of time. Today is an especially lackluster day. Not many regulars are there. Gregory knows, because he's at The Diner at least twice a week and he knows these people now. Not their names, but their faces, and the personalities he's given them. The old woman who comes in nearly every Sunday, the heart-attack girl, the middle-aged man and his wife in matching sweaters. It's an ongoing game, to see how many he can find in a single sitting. So far he's found three: heart-attack girl, the woman in the corner on her laptop, and himself.

Heart-attack girl is watching the waiter, so Gregory focuses on laptop girl. She's staring intently at her screen, but pauses occasionally to take frantic sips of the drink in front of her (Gregory bets it's coffee, because laptop girl seems like a coffee addict) or stuff a bite of pancakes in her mouth. Pancakes are The Diner's specialty. At any given time, at least 50% of the patrons are eating them. Gregory knows this for a fact: his done three studies on three separate days.

The waiter comes back out and drops Gregory's box of pancakes off at his table with a smile. He smiles too much, Gregory decides . He must have some sort of broken piece.

Laptop girl also smiles as the waiter approaches her. Gregory notices how her caramel skin turns one shade pinker when he clears her plate. Gregory closes his eyes and imagines it: twenty years from now, where are they?

Laptop girl (he names her Sarah) and the waiter (he names him Jeremy) have two little girls. Jeremy owns his own restaurant now, and his kids love coming to work with him and playing in the big kitchen. Sarah works part-time as a freelance journalist (he runs through several options before he decides this; she could be a digital artist or website designer too, something with computers) until their kids are old enough for school. They met here, at The Diner, and got married the next fall. Their favorite couples TV show is watching old reruns of Friends (though Jeremy secretly prefers How I Met Your Mother), and they pretend to be more outdoorsy than they are.

Gregory's fantasies are interrupted when the waiter accidentally knocks over laptop girl's coffee cup. The rest of The Diner seems unaffected, though heart-attack girl looks visibly shaken. Gregory makes a note to introduce himself. She's obviously got a few loose screws.

That was something Gregory's mom used to say. She was a carpenter, so loose screws were nothing she couldn't fix.

The first meal Gregory skipped was the one after her funeral.

His stomach growls again, and he remembers the blueberries he ate for breakfast. His hand slowly begins inching towards the box of pancakes, but he stops himself.

Maybe he should order a coffee. Maybe he should eat the pancakes. That's what his sister always says, "I never see you eat, Gregory. You should." She's probably right. Maybe if he ate, really ate, the ache in his stomach would go away.

But then he remembers why he's not eating, how he couldn't, not after his mom died, and how the compliments started rolling in: "Did you lose weight?" "You look great!" "You started at the gym, right?" And he lied: "Yeah, the gym, it's great, I feel so healthy."

He didn't. He felt sick and empty. There was a weight in his chest, in his stomach, but he couldn't stop.

Gregory tenses up when the waiter walks by again, as though he can read Gregory's mind. Heart-attack girl stands up and walks to the door. She has a funny sort of walk, and looks like she's trying to curl into herself and become a shadow.

Me too, Gregory thinks. Me too.

--

*screams internally*

ok i hope this wasn't too bad. i know eating disorders are a sensitive topic, believe me, so i hope i portrayed it okay. please let me know if there's anything i should fix or change to make it more realistic. i mean it. i want to be as authentic as possible without offending anyone.

also the image at the top is gregory kk cool

more also: dedication goes to gutless bc top bunk just finished and i'm feeling a serious lack of el in my life this is not ok

& i hope you noticed that heart-attack girl is andrea and the waiter is milo bc like... that's the whole point.... anyway that's it! i hope you enjoy & don't hate me etc etc.