Pancakes at The Diner (on pause)

06: In Which Gregory Attempts To Make A Friend

It's almost an unconscious decision to sit at Heart-attack Girl's table. Gregory had been debating whether or not to on the walk there, but once he opened the door to The Diner he simply let his feet carry him away.

His knee is bouncing, and he taps the edge of the table with his fingertips. It's an automatic response to his nerves. He's done it for as long as he can remember, had to explain to countless teachers that "no, I can't stop it, I'm just nervous, I'll calm down soon." The day of his mother's funeral his limbs were so shaky that he dropped three nice china plates and knocked over both a table and a vase.

When Heart-attack girl arrives, she doesn't seem to notice him. Her eyes are glazed over, and it's like she sees right through him. Gregory considers snapping his fingers in front of her face or waving a hand in front of her vacant eyes, just to see what happens. He settles on, "excuse me, I was sitting here."

He almost wishes he waved a hand in front of her face, because Heart-attack girl jumps six feet out of her skin. She looks like a cornered animal, hyperventilating and clutching a hand to her chest. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, and Gregory wants to disappear into thin air. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

"Hey, it's okay, you can sit here too," he says, taking extra care to make sure his voice is even and calm. She looks somewhat relieved as she sinks back into her seat, but Gregory can tell she wishes he would just leave.

But he's already committed to this conversation, so he holds out a hand and introduces himself. "I'm Gregory Carter."

"Andrea Merrick," she whispers, taking his hand in hers. Her hands are shaking just as much as his knees below the table are, and the thought calms him somewhat. She doesn't look much like an Andrea, not with her round face and wispy dark hair. But maybe that's just because Gregory's cousin Andrea is a tall, muscular blonde with an ego issue.

There's not much else to say, so Gregory watches The Diner slowly fill up with people. Or, more accurately, he watches two old ladies amble in to their regular spots at the counter. Andrea fidgets in her seat, knocking a leg of the table in the process. Eventually the silence grows too loud, and the longer Gregory waits to speak, the more impossible it feels. Thankfully, Milo appears with a smile, ready to take their orders. Gregory feels a little guilty about leaving him and Monique to do all the work last night, but he also doesn't want to think about it at all, so he stays silent.

"What can I get for you?" Milo asks him after taking Andrea's order.

"Oh, just a water is fine," Gregory hears himself say.

"I've got your jacket," Milo says a few seconds later, almost like an afterthought. "The pancakes are cold now, though, so I don't know if you want those as well."

He shakes his head. Any pancakes at this point would be good, but he doesn't want to think about it. He can't think about it, because if he does, he'll break.

"You can have some of mine," Andrea offers.

It feels like a punch in his already-aching stomach. "It's really okay," is all he says. "I'm not hungry."

His mom used to say that if you tell one little lie, it'll snowball into something bigger and bigger until you could no longer control it. Her objective was probably to get him to tell the truth about who drew on the walls when he was five, but Gregory can't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. If now that he's started, he won't ever be able to stop.

Andrea's looking at him strangely, almost as if she doesn't quite believe him. He wants to shift the conversation, but the words won't come out, so he settles for continuing to watch the two old ladies. Milo's taking their order now, smiling and cracking jokes with ease. Old ladies make Gregory uncomfortable. His mom should have been an old lady twenty years down the line. He looks away.

Andrea makes two or three strange noises, half formed words. He smiles despite himself, but doesn't respond. He doesn't want to make her uncomfortable, doesn't want to cause her to have a heart attack right in the center of The Diner.

"Where do you go to school?" she finally asks, and he catches a flash of triumph on her face before she reverts to her usual blank expression.

"Midland High," he says. Though Midland High is a relatively small school compared to most, he's never seen Andrea there. "You probably go to Chatham, right?"

She nods, and seems to want to leave the conversation there.

"What's it like?" Gregory presses, eager to keep the conversation going. "I heard it's intense. I'm surprised they even let you leave." Maybe humor isn't the way to talk to Andrea, if the blank look she gives him is any indication. He remembers how she jumps at every small sound, how she looks like she wants to disappear into herself whenever people pass her table.

"I'm getting a good education," she says tonelessly. It feels like a line she's recited countless times but never really believed.

"The kids are nice? They always seemed a little stuck up, you know, private-school types." He really doesn't know when to quit, does he? He tends to ramble when he's nervous, a trait that his entire extended family seemed to possess. Carter family reunions were never fun.

"They're nice enough," Andrea says. She has a talent for ending conversations, Gregory thinks ruefully. He'd like to borrow her sometime, take her to one of the aforementioned Carter family reunions and finally have some peace and quiet. That is, if the amount of people and food didn't kill them both first.

Like he sensed the lull in their conversation, Milo appears with their respective orders. Gregory watches the easy way the two of them interact, how Andrea actually makes a joke. He wonders, not for the first time, exactly how they knew each other.

"Is he your brother or something?" he asks, even though he's pretty sure he knows the answer. Andrea and Milo look nothing alike, but Gregory is curious.

Andrea looks up, confused. Her left eyebrow is raised again, and Gregory fleetingly wishes he could raise a single eyebrow as well. "No, why?"

"I don't know," Gregory says honestly. "You just seem more at ease with him than anyone I've ever seen."

The single eyebrow inches higher up her face. "You've just met me."

So that was the wrong thing to say, but he can't seem to shut up. "But I've seen you before," he says. "I see you all the time. Right here. On the verge of an absolute breakdown if someone other than Milo talks to you for more than five minutes."

It's like watching a car crash in slow motion, and Gregory braces himself for the impact.

-----

so i wanted to retell that little episode from gregory's perspective. i hope it gives a little insight into his character & why he acts the way he does- he's andrea's opposite. when she gets nervous she shuts down, when he gets nervous he explodes. also i'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter i've ever posted so there's that. 

also hOLY SHIT GUYS OVER 600 READS AND 100 VOTES? WHAT??? i honestly never expected anyone to see this let alone love it like some of you guys do so i have no idea what to say. you've all been so supportive and i love every single person who reads this. i can't stress enough how much every single read, vote, and comment means to me, especially recently as i've been dealing with a lot of not great stuff. i'm sending lots of hugs your way.

as always, please tell me what you think. i'm always up for talking to any of you about the plot, characters, stuff you guys think or want to happen, and even about thinks completely unrelated to the story at all. seriously. 

also, i was thinking about maybe dedicating each new chapter to someone who commented either something that made me laugh, or smile, or that i had a nice conversation with, just as a thank you? because i've talked to a few of you lovely people and i wasn't sure how else to convey how much it means to me. so let me know if you're a fan of that plan (unintentional rhymes for the win!!)

alright dedication added to o000o000o000o bc they've left such amazing/hilarious comments to the past two chapters!! i adore you & keep up the good work!

i love you all & i hope you have a fabulous day & read something that makes you smile!!