Pancakes at The Diner (on pause)

11: In Which Monique Fixates

Monique has started to realize that The Diner isn't an ordinary diner. At least on some level, she knew that already. The pancakes they serve are out of this world and the drinks are never cold. But it's the people who are starting to command her attention. Monique can't think of another restaurant where she'd feel comfortable asking the waiter for his opinion on her assignments. It's almost like Milo has become less of a fixture of The Diner, less someone who brings her meals and whom she can stare at without consequences or embarrassment, and more of a real, three-dimensional person with a background and opinions and weird friends. Because, and there's no other way to put this, the girl is weird.

    Her name is Andrea and Monique has seen her around The Diner before, usually panicking, often starting blankly at the wall. Monique has been startled out of her work only to find that Andrea's eerie stare is fixed right on her. Sometimes Andrea would blink and look away, but more often than not, it was like she wasn't even looking, didn't even notice where her eyes were focused. Monique is glad Andrea has a name, and a friend, because if not, she'd start wondering whether Andrea was even real at all.

    But if Milo likes her then that's good enough for Monique, and it's almost embarrassing that his endorsement is all it takes. She'd hoped that if she'd gotten to know Milo, the fixation would stop, that he'd become less of a pretty face and more of an actual person, and Monique didn't like actual people. But so far, no such luck. Even his terrible color identification skills had been endearing (and they were terrible. Because there were clearly three distinct shades of blue on her laptop screen). And there had been that weird pause, the one that seemed to take forever before Monique slammed her laptop shut with so much force she thought she might have broken it. Because that moment had seemed like a moment that two people who like each other might have shared. And Monique doesn't like actual people.

    Oh, she likes faces. She's an artist, and she likes aesthetically pleasing bodies and smiles and laughs. She likes the idea of people, the cashier at the art store, the stranger she passed on the bus, the waiter at her favorite restaurant. What she does not like is people. Because people are messy, and emotional, and they have feelings and thoughts Monique will never begin to understand. The only person Monique fully understands is herself. And she's willing to branch out to friends, and she'd like to get to know that Gregory kid and figure out what's really going on in his head, but when you put liking someone into that equation, well... Monique was always bad at math anyway.

    So it's both a relief and a burden when Milo returns for the coffee cup. "Which one did you choose?" He asks, indicating towards her laptop, which she hasn't reopened.

    "Oh, the middle one," she says.

    "Really?" He grins. "You're not just saying that, are you?"

    Monique thinks about her logos. The one on the left is too blue, and the one on the right is too green. The one in the middle is perfect. "I never joke about cheese logos," she deadpans.

    And Milo laughs, so Monique laughs, and it's almost enough to make her stop worrying about the possibilities of connection and just be happy. Her ease is short-lived, though, because Gregory chooses that exact moment to walk back into the diner, and Monique can never catch a break, can she?

    He doesn't seem to see her, or maybe he's not looking, or maybe he's trying hard to avoid her, and she hears her roommate's voice whisper "unhealthy obsession" inside her head, which is probably a bad sign.

    "Are you alright?" Milo asks.

    "Yeah, sorry," Monique says. "A little bit jumpy, I guess. Gregory's back."

    Milo turns to the table he usually claims. "So he is."

    "You could give him his jacket back," Monique says lamely.

    "Right. And you could apologize." Milo says.

    "For what?" Monique asks, even though she knows the answer more than Milo, who shrugs.

    "I don't know, for whatever was eating you alive earlier today. You told me to apologize for you. Go do it yourself. I'll get the jacket."

    "You could apologize and I'll get the jacket," she offers feebly. Milo laughs, and Monique can't tell if the constant laughing is a Milo thing, or a Milo-and-Monique thing.

    "You'll be fine," Milo tells her softly, before disappearing back into the kitchen. Monique takes note of how her heart races and how she smiles involuntarily when he looks back at her for a brief second before the kitchen doors close.

    "I'll be fine," she repeats, because she needs to hear it out loud, and makes her way to confront the inevitable.

---

okay yeah it's been another long absence by yours truly. i really am sorry. it's just been hard to get back into the swing of writing these past couple months. i've had my school play, and a bunch of essays due... well, you probably don't care, but here are my feeble excuses.

but!!! i am back. how do you guys like my secret project? the little monique instagram at the top! it even reveals (shocker) her last name!! (but don't try and email the address, it's v obviously fake). i'll be revealing a new one for each character as i write new chapters in their perspectives. it was fun to work on while trying to motivate myself to write a new chapter.

also (shameless self promo) check out my new story, one summer! i've been working on it for a while but recently got a lot more into it while trying to clear my head. it's gay and summery and will become v interesting soon, i promise.

this chapter is dedicated to sartorial bc she's gonna let me beat up julian's family (and if you don't know what i'm talking about, go read her book shooting stars!!!)

also... almost 8k holy crap guys i don't know why you all keep reading, especially since i'm such a shitty updater but this is honestly so amazing... thank you so much i love you all bye