After The Rain

Chapter Twenty-Four - Find My Way Back (II)

Comfortable and inviting,
it's where I want to be.
It's where I go when I feel low
to help replenish me.
It's safe, and yet exciting,
the place I love the most.
It makes me want to never leave;
to always keep it close.
It holds so much potential,
my favorite place I've been.
It's warm and super cosy.
The place of all my dreams.
I love the way it feels
so familiar and secure.
It seems quite clear, what I have here
some search a lifetime for.
And I can be myself here
without pretence or fuss.
Some people call it home
but I simply call it us.

- Ms Moem (We Are Home)

~

Much to her disappointment, Khushi did not get any time to get anything from Payal the next day.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself surrounded once again by a whole barrage of Guptas and Raizadas. At first, she did not mind it. She was greatly relieved to find herself in the midst of their lively conversations, and grateful to have so many reasons to laugh and so many distractions from the pain that throbbed through her body. But she soon remembered that there had been something that Payal was keeping from her.

'Shyam-stuff' she had said, but Khushi had began to think it was something more than that. The reason why she thought so was, well, the way everyone got when Arnav entered the room.

She had been searching for him ever since she became conscious enough to start taking in her surroundings, and there had been an unpleasant twist in her chest that grew larger the more minutes went by without any trace of him. She had begun to feel the onslaught of disappointment at the thought that while everyone was visibly glad to have her back, he was nowhere to be seen. Indifference from him was not something new but it stung a little harder this time.

It was near noon when he appeared. Her family, along with Nani-ji, Mama-ji and Mami-ji had already returned home to get some rest. She had been in an enthralling conversation with Nanhe-ji, encouraging him to speak solely in Hindi while Anjali-ji almost passed out from laughing and Akash-ji grew appalled by the second. But the laughter and the shock both ceased the moment he entered.

Of course, everything else had already faded from the second she registered his presence, way before the knock sounded and the door opened, but after long seconds of staring at his face—which was as inscrutable as always—Khushi realised that the whole room seemed to have held its breath.

Akash-ji’s shock disappeared, replaced with a bewilderment that would have been hilarious if Khushi knew the context. Without that, it was only perplexing. Nanhe-ji’s appalling Hindi turned to a stuttering that was neither Hindi nor English. Khushi wasn’t sure if it was a language at all, and Anjali-ji kept staring at her brother like she was trying so hard to keep herself from saying something, that she might burst any moment. It was all over soon but it lasted long enough to give Khushi a sense of trepidation.

She kept her eyes on Arnav, intent on catching any signs of something amiss, something wrong.

Was he diagnosed with something? Is that why he was late, and why everyone seems to be weird about him? Jiji had implied that Akash-ji was worried about him… Khushi’s heart almost ceased in fear but there was nothing in the way Arnav approached her bed, and asked her if she was okay—in that voice, that goddamn voice that she thought he made huskier on purpose to unnerve her—to suggest that he was ill.

He seemed normal, his face as stoic as ever and his eyes, the ones that seemed to be a gateway to somewhere deep within him, were still open to her. He sat himself on the sofa and busied himself with his phone. That was when Khushi had felt the oncoming of something warm. Whilst his show of distance was characteristic of him, the very fact that he was there made her feel a certain way. A few days ago—a few weeks ago to be exact—she was bewildered by this sensation, but she was starting to welcome it.