After The Rain

Chapter Ten - Flowers And Thorns

i can tell you the day was sweet
but this would mean nothing.

there is fog in my lungs and i am
choking on the best way to tell you.
i breathe in uncertainty and try
to exhale something other than doubt.

every day I swallow something sharp.
(it does not matter what what we call it).

nothing goes down easy and
nothing stays down without a fight.

i can tell you the day was sweet
but what if I told you the truth?

that even sweet things go down
slow and heavy.

even honey scratches my throat.

- Rachel H (honey)

~

“Would you have married him? Even if you didn’t love him?”

Khushi thought about Arnav’s question all the way home, throughout the remaining day and throughout the night.

It had hit her hard, bringing to the fore all the hurt she had felt during those days when she was being forced to do something she did not want. She had felt all her dreams shatter the moment she had finally given in and had accepted Shyam, dreams that were already on the brink of oblivion. She had wanted to fall in love, to find someone she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with. Instead, she had been flung into Shyam’s way with no control whatsoever over the biggest decision of her life.

Like when she had been standing in the temple, resentment rose within her against her family and as Arnav kept asking his question, kept drilling into her mind the thought of her marrying someone she did not love, the answer came to her—no, she wouldn’t have done that. She wouldn’t have been able to.

Khushi did not know what exactly she would have done. She can't even think of hurting her family, not when they took her in and protected her when she was utterly vulnerable. She felt like she owed them her second life and yet, she knew she would have crumbled into pieces before marrying Shyam. Somewhere, in the back of her mind she knew it was not just about marrying someone she did not love. She had always considered the possibility of an arranged marriage, her sole condition being she would be given some time to get to know the guy. No, not loving Shyam had not been the only issue.

The bigger issue, the one she was not just scared but thoroughly ashamed to admit, was the forbidden image of someone else etched all over her mind and engraved into a corner of her heart. It had led her to feel torn ever since the day she carried Shyam’s ring on one finger, and his bandage on the other.

The finger of her left hand, the nerve of which connects with the heart.

She was certain that these feelings would have driven her insane and she felt sure that even if Shyam’s truth had not been revealed, she would have either begged her family to reconsider, fallen too sick to marry, or perhaps even run away. But she wouldn’t have married Shyam, not when she knew there was not a single possibility that she could ever harbor any affection for him.

All these thoughts had flashed in her mind in the seconds during which she was put under Arnav’s investigation and the conclusion she drew destroyed her momentarily.

She could never love someone else. Not when she...

She had, therefore, considered it better to leave after giving him her answer. But she still could not get rid of her dreadful introspection. It resonated within her mind with a vengeance as the hour of the engagement ceremony drew closer.