Confessions Of A Teenage Party Animal (Editing.)

14 - A Red Radio and A Panic Attack

Wren's POV

It takes energy to have your best friend ignoring you. Especially when it's Lana. Like any unlikeable problem, it was as if I couldn't do anything but let him finish his fit of anger, and Luca wasn't exactly helping either.

The air crackled with tension as I shot her a steely glare. "You'd think that he'd rather avoid fighting," she muttered under her breath. "We aren't fighting." I yearned to say those words with conviction, but uncertainty gnawed at me. I couldn't shake the feeling of having jeopardized my friendship with someone whose commitment was now in question. Rome and Lana the cousins were both so different yet so incredibly similar.

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Lana's POV

In the dimly lit pantry, I hunched over the worn-out red radio, desperately tinkering with its dials and buttons, hoping to capture the signal of the local news channel. I had no idea how I had found myself in this uncanny situation, –your guess is as good as mine.– I had downgraded to seeking the information of why I couldn't listen to any news sources in my cramped pantry because my family had barred me from accessing it elsewhere.

The voice of one of our local anchors filled the small storage unit, if I had a mirror I would probably be grinning cheek to cheek, I listened attentively to the words of the anchor as he cycled through the varying stories that somehow harboured any relevance. There was the occasional scare of the chance of a flood. It was Florida, after all.

Finally, as he read the words "And today's headline," an instant wave of captivation washed over me. "Waylon Vega set to be released on good behaviour by September 25th." The fascination was as fleeting as it was intense. It was hard to believe that he would be free in less than a month...

And worse, to think that they all avoided and skirted around it, thinking I'd break down like some sort of baby if I found out. He'd walk the same streets as me again, talk to the employees at the shops that I talked to, and live with me in this town, masking every good memory I had made in the last three years with absolute suffering and darkness. And they fucking hid it.

They all connived and concluded together to keep it from me, to let me find out on my own accord, and if I couldn't take it, I wondered what would they have done, planned, and backstabbed me with. My whole family, – my sister, my parents, my cousins, my aunts and uncles – whom I would've dared to keep a single secret from, had just done exactly what I didn't think they'd ever do.

They had broken my trust. Smashed it and buried it deep with no sense of immediate damage. I stood up numbly and walked out of the pantry, I climbed the stairs to my room and I just sat on my bed, I didn't cry, I didn't write words into my journal until my wrists hurt. No, I just sat.

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Halloween 4 years ago.

I felt unlucky and stupid. Miss Klin gave me Skittles, but I hated Skittles. They tasted too sweet and didn't even deserve to be called candy. I sighed and put my head on my arms as I sat at the dining table at Jenny-Ann's house. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and raised my head to see my older cousin, Jena's brother; Waylon. I liked Waylon; he and Rome were the oldest of all the kids in our families. They looked after and took care of us when needed.

He smiled softly and came to sit next to me, "What's up? You look sad." I sighed and looked up at him, I was dressed as a ghostbuster, I had made the whole costume myself! Though I only won second place at the October Fair, which was another reason to be disappointed, "I hate this Halloween! I don't even like Skittles!" His eyes didn't change, but they smiled just like his mouth, "You don't usually get mad." I took a deep breath, "It wasn't fair! I had the best costume! The girl who won was dressed as fuckin–" I stopped myself before I finished the swear word. Way laughed a bit.

"Sorry..." I muttered, "It's fine, but if don't want the Skittles I have some Starburst in my room that I can trade it for?" I looked at him like he'd hung up the sun, "Really?" He nodded and I jumped up from my seat, "Let's go!" Way laughed again and followed behind me to his room...

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The memory faded back into obscurity, that Halloween, is one I vowed to never remember, I tried everything. I tried to burn my Ghostbusters costume, I never bought Skittles, and I skipped the October Fair, but it always crawled up at times like this, reminding me of the little things. Like the fact that Jenny-Ann had most likely heard my screaming or the fact that I still had the Starburst unopened in drawers. It was all too much.

And no matter how much I tried I couldn't escape, my breathing picked up. Why? Why? Why? Why? Was I just really that fucking unlucky? I had to be cursed. I didn't like it. I fucking hated, loathed and was disgusted by it. I was probably having a panic attack right now. What was it I was supposed to do if I got these again? I tried to remember, but my eyes were clouded, and my hand wouldn't stay still for the love of God. Someone was probably coming up the stairs, but my ears felt like they had been waterlogged.

I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was dying, like I was drowning. Then, my door opened, or at least I think it did, and my sister sat down next to me or maybe she didn't. "Lana, calm down," she said. I shook my head so fast it hurt. "You need to breathe," she told me. I tried to follow her instructions. I did. "Okay, follow my steps." She grabbed my hands and stopped them from shaking. "You're having a panic attack, okay?" I nodded, tears clouding my vision.

"Okay, now can you tell me three things you see?" I nodded and looked around, "I-I see Sargent S-Spikes." I said as clearly as I could, "Good, good, what else?" I tried to take a breath but failed and continued to look around my room, "M-my headphones" She smiled, "One more." I finally willed myself to take a shaky breath, "My DVD stacks." I said, she nodded, "Okay good, what do you hear?" I took a deep long breath, "Y-your voice." Luca hummed as an answer, "Okay, okay, are you feeling better?" I nod, Luca sighed, "Great I was fucking worried. What happened?" I looked at my sister.

"I don't know..." She stared at me trying to piece together the situation and then glanced at the red worn-out radio like she had just noticed it. At that moment, I swear I'd never seen her pale, "D-Did you?–" I watched as Luca struggled to formulate words or coherent sentences, I looked into her eyes, "You guys kept it all from me..." I choked out.

Luca looked sick, "Lana, let's wait for Mom and Dad to get–" I scoffed loudly, "So you can all lie to me even more?" I said, my knuckles turning white from how hard I was clenching them. "No! we weren't lying. We just didn't want to hurt you..." I laughed bitterly at the declaration, my heart aching with each word. "Hurt me? You wouldn't have hurt me, but by keeping this secret, you haven't hurt me, you've fucking shattered me." Luca's eyes glistened with tears, "Lana, I'm so sorry. I swear I would have told you..." With a sarcastic nod, I stood up, feeling the weight of my sister's betrayal pressing down on me.

"I'm heading out. Let Mom and Dad know I'll be back around midnight," I said as I closed my bedroom door and left my sister to face the consequences of her betrayal.

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Authors Note: do you guys understand how many fucking hours it took to write this freaking chapter? I've been listening to TV Girl without fail all because I decided to write until 1:30 in the morning? Anyway, thank God I finally got this one done.