𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝.

Chapter 12 - It'll Be Okay

Neymar POV

It's been a week and six days since I've joined Paris. Paris Saint-Germain. The name sounds so unfamiliar, it just doesn't roll off my tongue like Barcelona does. I miss saying Visca Barça and Visca Catalunya. It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like me, but it feels better than staying in a club with Lionel Messi in it. The guy who pushed me away when I thought he would only pull me back to him. 

I guess the people there are nice... you know, Kylian and Marcos and Sergio, but it's definitely a little off without the fun and laughter and jokes that Dani and Geri make. A little off without Jordi and Andres and Xavi's brotherly bond. And most of all it felt empty without him. 

My heart was like a cube of ice. Cold and hard and solid. But the second I saw Leo or heard about him I melted into a pile of gushy nothingness, just boring and plain like water. For the love of God, I only left Barcelona for the sake of getting away from him. And guess what — me being the absolute dick I am, I asked Bruna to come because I didn't want to be lonely. I hate to say this, but we're dating now — things happened, alright? I know that was wrong, I know I was wrong. 

He doesn't want me. I'm trying to convince myself I don't want him either. I'm going out with Bruna now, and I can't get him involved in that too. I need to fucking move on. He needs to stay out of my life now — I did everything I could to stop him messing with my head and I need to stick to my motive to forget about him and just pretend that he was an ex-teammate and nothing more than that. Not a crush, not a boyfriend, possibly a friend but definitely not a lover. Not again. 

I opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling of my bedroom and feeling the warmth of Bruna's naked body beside me. Right, we had sex last night. Not going to lie, it was really good sex too, but I can't just forget what me and Leo shared. It was something special, something that could only be between the two of us and I can't possibly see me loving anyone else in that way. 

"Hey, baby. Good morning." She smiled and kissed me, her hands resting on my cheek. I kissed back shortly, before detaching our lips and getting out of bed. She pulled me back into bed, and I laughed at her eagerness. God, I am a good actor. Just pulling out a laugh from nowhere to make her feel like I wanted her as much as I really wanted Leo. I wish I was responsible for everything that happened. If I had my way, I'd probably be in Barcelona right now making out with Leo or something. 

"Sorry. I have training, Le—" I began, before cutting myself off. "Love." 

She raised an eyebrow suspiciously but the smile stayed on her face, however forced it seemed. See? This is what I mean when I say I want Leo more — it's obvious that we're not the happiest together but we're too fucking lonely to leave each other. It's hopeless — I'll never be happy unless I'm with Leo. 

"Right, then. Go to training." She pecks me on the lips one last time before sinking back under the covers and letting me get out of bed. Grabbing my phone, I slipped my boxers on my bare body and padded to the bathroom, turning on the hot bath water and grabbing my toothbrush. As I brushed my teeth, I stared at myself in the mirror. I couldn't help but imagine Leo's arm around my waist and mine around his shoulders. I smiled at the thought of him and I again, loving each other without hindrance. 

And then I snapped and realised that's never going to happen. 

I couldn't help but release a groan of frustration and immediately Bruna's voice rang through the bathroom: "Ney, is everything okay?"

"Yep! Fine!" I assured her brightly, my voice muffled by the toothbrush, sighing inwardly. God, I couldn't even shut up about my Leo depression. I just wish I could live through our memories one more time before I'm fully ready and sure to let him go.