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IF nerves weren't gnawing away at my head, I would've found walking to Professor's Bianchi's studio too cold to do. The anxiety of the e-mail I had received this morning- 'Come to the studio after @3. Regards to be said in person. Wear your warmest clothes, its cold as hearts outside. Tnx!' vague, to the point, and left too much for my nerves to pick through.
As the winds whipped, the snow a whole two feet from the ground, I stared down at my snow boots while I kept my coat tight to my body, trying not to freeze.
Despite combing through the two hour class through and through my brain, there was nothing that came up differently or that was noticeable enough for an e-mail the morning after, telling me to see her at three. Outside of her classes, Professor Binachi was an elusive campus ghost. She did everything online, and disliked unnecessary communication.
That Wednesday, the professor was cranky that day because her car got snowed in because of a blizzard that went on for three hours. Not soon after though, she got herself a cappuccino and was all smiles.
She had even made jokes with the models, a wonderful old couple for a real-life class. They seemed to have been first timers, kept giggling and making jokes at each other. Every time the wife seized up, overcome by the quiet classroom of college students just staring at every detail of them, her husband would whisper something in her ear and she would let out a snort.
It was the most relaxed time we've ever had in that class. I took off my earphones and let the lull of the classroom, a few murmurs of conversations, observing the warmth atmosphere, wash over me. Keep me in the moment.
I thought I had a great time in class. Now I wasn't sure.
A text pinged. I had to reshuffle my laptop bag, my tucked in, cold hands, cursing myself for forgetting to buy gloves, but when I did manage to get my phone, Claudia's name was an assurance.
CLAUDIA HEINZ: it could be a good thing!! don't be so negative!!
NADINE LYNCH: but i alr won that competition in ny!! what else is there to be positive about???
CLAUDIA HEINZ: lots of things! puppies! flowers! pretty snow!!1 which u probably don't agree with since ur walking out in the ocld, but the cold!!! since global warming!!!
NADINE LYNCH: global warming is more than heat waves, audie. its the change of climate. the ruination of the earth.
CLAUDIA HEINZ: wow.... anxiety is really something else huh
CLAUDIA HEINZ: stop anxietying. for now. get some when u hear what's up. worry when its there, not when its still coming.
