Blood dripping down my thighs

Chapter 1

Poornima
Berlin, Germany
It has just been a week and I am already in love with Berlin. It has everything I have ever wanted to experience. Thrilling nightlife, beautiful cafes, magnificent museums and big corporate companies. I have always wanted to work a corporate job. The word ‘corporate’ felt like power to me. I wanted to work a powerful job. Once, while preparing for my 12th standard board exams, I was scrolling on youtube looking for a solution to a math question when I saw a video promotion, ‘Life in Germany’. Even though I had no idea where Germany was, I felt a strange urge to click on the thumbnail and watch the video. So I did. The screen went black and a white circle started rotating on the screen. I waited. An ad came up after a few seconds. I hated youtube ads so I fixed my eyes on the bottom right corner where the skip ad countdown started from 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. I skipped the add. The white circle appeared again, making me restless. I could feel my heart beat get faster. I didn’t know why. The video started after a few seconds and a beautiful tall girl started speaking something. I didn’t understand her. I checked the language settings which were set on default and the video was shot in German language, so I changed the language to english and got engrossed in the video. I spent the next two hours watching every video I could find about germany and how to go there. Yes. I had decided that I wanted spend my life in Germany. I have always been a planner and doer. From planning my study methods so that I could top all of my classes and to following each and every timetable I made for myself. I wanted to study hard and get out of the place where I spent my childhood. And the only way to do so was earning money to be able to afford living by myself. I pull out my planner and turn to a fresh page and start writing.

GERMANY PLAN
Become a Management Accountant – CMA certification.
Learn German.
BBA (for better skills and knowledge)
Research everything about germany (especially about women’s safety)
Apply for jobs in Germany

As years passed by, I kept scratching off parts of my plan until there was a problem. CMA was an Indian certification. It was difficult to grab a high position job in U.K. with it. The two countries have different financial systems with different principles and methods. I was starting to get worried. None of my plans had ever backfired like this. I had been working for an electronic startup company for two years then. They did pay me enough to meet ends and save for emergencies, but taking in account my qualification and contributions, I needed a raise which they couldn’t afford. So I had resigned from there with the hope to move to Germany for my next job but there were no options for me.
One day, while waiting in a line to get my mcdonalds meal, I was scrolling linkedin to find a job to apply for. I also used it to avoid meeting eyes with strangers. Social situations made me feel awkward, that’s why I preferred ordering online but the app showed that there were no drivers available in my area so I rode my scooty, actually my mother’s scooty, to get it. I almost screamed in excitement when I saw a post looking for a CMA to work in germany but I contained myself. The post said that the company was expanding to India and they needed an Indian professional to work at their headquarters so that the decisions for the Indian unit could be taken according to an Indian brain keeping in mind the problems that the company might face when it commences business in India. I just needed to give an exam for which I had to study the International Financial Reporting System so that I was capable of understanding the U.K. financial system. I knew I could do that. I always aced exams. I picked up my order and got out of there. The rest is history. I did well on the exam. Got selected. The German Language certificate came in handy when I applied for my German Long-Stay Visa. I was in touch with a friend from the online german course I took to learn German. She had already moved to Germany. So, I moved in with her. My family didn’t approve of me leaving the country and decided to break all ties with me but I was all set to live my life on my own terms and I was not letting it go.