Blood dripping down my thighs

Next day

It’s the first day of my job. I wake up early and go for a walk at the Viktoria Park with Shahida. While I mentally plan my day and run my mind around everything I  need to do before leaving for office, people come out of clubs after enjoying their nights. I don’t like Kreuzberg much. Clubbing seems like a good idea for weekends but living near clubs doesn’t excite me much. I feel paranoid that we might get attacked by drunk dudes but Shahida likes taking risks and dancing in clubs. So, she had specifically chosen to buy an apartment with clubs nearby so that she didn’t have to waste time in commute. She belonged to a rich Muslim family from Mumbai so she had all the liberty to choose where she wanted to live without thinking of the money. Her brother and father, who run their own textile business in Mumbai, spoiled her without any limits.
As Shahida is unlocking the apartment, I put an alarm on my phone for 8:30 a.m. I don’t want to be late on the very first day of my job. I walk in, drink some water and go for a shower. I come out of the shower at 7 wearing a bathrobe and a towel wrapped around my hair. I look around and realize how far I have come. I love my room. There’s a glass door that opens to a small balcony to my left. The curtains are drawn. My small bed is in front of me and to its left is my small four compartment bookshelf. My study table is at the right side of the bed. The wall to my right has a built-in wardrobe at the left, which starts right where my table ends. I got lucky with the size of the table.  And the door to my room was a few feet from the wardrobe. The wall behind me simply had the door to the bathroom and a long mirror a few inches away from the corner that meets the glass door. I reach the wardrobe and take out my hair dryer and walk to the mirror, unwrap my hair from the towel and watch them fall down till the back of my knees. These are going to take a whole lot of time and energy to dry. I should hurry. I don’t have time to feel the bliss.
I dry my hair for half an hour until my arms start aching. And yes, they were still not completely dry. I walk to my wardrobe and look around. I should have went shopping. But now is not the time to think about it so I quickly run my eyes around my clothes and pick a black Chikankari Kurti with white embroidery on its sleeves. It’s the safest option, if anybody asks, I will simply say that’s what we wear to office in India. I put on the kurti and its matching black pants and pick a white scarf to wear around my neck. I put on my black one-inch block heel sandals and put all my documents and a water bottle in my purse and go out of the room. I fish out my favourite silver watch from my purse while waiting on the dining table for breakfast and wear it on my right hand. Shahida enters with two plates, both carrying two vegetable sandwiches. She is a health and diet kind of a person and as you must have guessed, she is also vegan. So, I cannot expect much from her. But this kind of did me good because she didn’t trust anything I cooked, so I was free from cooking at least. I eat the sandwiches half-heartedly and look at the time. It was 8 and the cab will also take time to come. So, I book a cab and run down.
I am happy that my cab driver is an introvert like me and has not asked me anything except the OTP he needed to confirm the ride. I am already on the verge of a panick attack. My heart is beating fast and I might throw up. I was not nervous about my first day at the job until now. I am good at my job but meeting new people is the part where I sucked. I pull down half glass of the window and feel the cool breeze on my face to help myself calm down. It is the month of November and the weather is starting to get cold. I fetch my water bottle and some antidepressents from my purse only to find out that the bottle was empty. I put them back in my purse and start looking out the window. I spot a liquor shop a few metres ahead.
“Can we stop there?” I ask the cab driver pointing at the liquor shop.
He shoots a judgemental look at me through the rear view mirror. I don’t care. Shahida won’t let me drink at home. I don’t have water to take my antidpressants. I know buying water is an option. But I make the call here. And I need vodka. I need that dopamine rush. He doesn’t answer me and simply pulls up in front of the shop.
“Make it quick. I don’t get paid to wait.” he says.
I run to the shop and buy a bottle. I climb into the backseat and open the bottle hurridly and take a sip. Mmmmmm. That was exactly what I needed.
I get out of the cab and pay the driver more than the fair that the app shows. He deserves it. I turn around to look at a multistory building. I have to actually bend my back so that my eyes can reach the top. I am not surprised. The company paid me 1600 euros salary. And not annually. Monthly. I tried converting that to Indian Rupee on the day I got the job and my jaw dropped to my feet. I walk into a huge glass door and enter a big posh open area. There are several snack shops and a sitting area to my left and the ‘toilette’ as I read the sign over a door and some electronic shops are towards my left. There are four escalators a few feet away from me. There’s security before the two that go up. Is an office supposed to have all this? I don’t think so! I have entered the wrong building. I shouldn’t have drunk vodka. I run out. Embarrassment flushing my face. I turn around and look up. I read the words ‘JEIMENES’ in big red words. So this is an office! I didn’t know an office could be so over the top. The organs in my stomach attempt a high jump. I don’t know if I belong to such a big place. I take big hurried steps to the washroom. Luckily, its empty. I take out the bottle of vodka and take in a single gulp. I fetch a claw clip from my purse and tie my hair in a low bun. I wash my face and look straight in the eyes of my reflection through the mirror. You can do this. You’ve worked very hard for this. I spray some mouth freshner in my mouth to get rid of the smell of vodka, clean my face, put some face cream and transfer the vodka in my water bottle before throwing the empty vodka bottle into the trash can. I know I’m going to need this. I pull out lots of tissue papers from the machine and cover the bottle with them. Suddenly, my alarm goes off. Its 8:30! I need to run!