wild side || tommy lee / motley crue

19. fragile

Now let me just say, I passed out from the incident with Tommy, obviously. And what did he do about it? He left me to lay there on my bed alone———unconscious, to spend the rest of his day with his beloved fucking wife.
In all honesty, I felt that even I had started to love Heather more than he ever did. These days, he'd just spend all this time "hanging out" with her in order for her to not suspect a thing going on between him and another woman.

That 'another woman' was me.

I felt so deeply ashamed of my stupid decision from last night, turning more distressed by every passing second. All the flashbacks of what I had let him do to me flooded through my brain as I put my head in my hands, shutting my eyes. I was sitting on the corner of the bed as I heard a faint knock on the white wooden door in front of me.

I really wasn't in the mood for anything or anyone in this moment.

The door slowly opened and Vince's bleached blonde hair followed along by the rest of his head peeked into my room, hesitant to step in.

I let out a loud sigh, "Come in, Vin."

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I know what went down, alright?"

That's exactly why I wanted absolutely fucking nothing to do with anyone right now.

"Just, shut up!" I accidentally let out a shout, immediate regret washing over his face.

"Shit happens, Vince. Doesn't matter anymore." I assure him with my words.

Except, it did matter to me. Letting this man fuck me over again will haunt me for months, up until I eventually forget about it because my memory gets quite literally wiped out from time to time.
Getting clean from Tommy is almost the same as getting clean from drugs. You know that being addicted to illegal drugs 1) is not right, 2) is severely bad for you, and 3) is extremely hard to quit.
It's almost the exact same with Tommy, I can't get enough of him and whenever I 'get clean' from him and his touch, I give up and get involved in yet another one of our little situations again the second I have a chance.

Being snapped out of my thoughts by Vince's voice, he speaks;

"I won't tell anyone, your secret's safe with me."

I keep quiet.

"I just feel bad, though."

"For who exactly? Me? Heather? Tommy? Nikki?" I snap at him, slowly realizing that all of those people were involved in this now.

If heather found out, they'd obviously break up, if Tommy doesn't found a quick and easy solution to it whether it involves sex or his money, it's all burnt to ashes.

If Nikki found out while he was on heroin, he'd probably get pissed at me for "cheating on him" since he's lately developed a false delusion of our situation between one another. No, we aren't dating. Yes, we fuck from time to time. And if he gets pissed while on heroin, he'd go out there telling every single person living on this street about me and Tommy's secretive little fling.

And if Tommy found out, oh, right. Tommy already knows since he's the one causing all of this.

————

11/01/1984

It's now four in the morning, I've been laying on my bedroom floor deprived of sensation for the past four or five hours hard after a meth binge. The last time I did meth was when I crawled into Tommy's bed for comfort because of how severe my paranoia was.