wild side || tommy lee / motley crue

16. drugs, bars, backseats of cars

06/01/1983

warning(s): intense drug abuse

It's now been several months since Tommy and Heather's wedding. I've watched their relationship deteriorate and fall apart so many times, and no matter how much I used to hate Heather, I now have come to empathize with her.

I've never witnessed a genuine healthy relationship in my entire life, better yet, experienced it myself. Everything I've encountered has been deranged and corrupt. I've gotten used to it. Seeing Heather be stabbed in the back by a guy whom I thought was a
conscientious person hurts me just as much it hurts her.

When she found out that Tommy had fucked some stripper from a club behind her back, she came crying to me as I was one of the only girls she was around everyday. For some idiotic reason, she indeed gave in and forgave him for the incident.

I've gotten addicted to even more heavier drugs than heroin. Nikki and I barely speak anymore, everything around me is crumbling. My health, my relationships with people and my will to live. I'm entirely careless now, I couldn't give much of a shit if I died on the bathroom floor right fucking now.

One of the only people I actually talk to is Vince. Mick too, sometimes. He's mostly in his own world doing his own stuff.

Most of the time I just mentally rot in my room until I decide to go out either with Vince or alone and drink myself to sleep. Then I either wake up in Vince's bed or on the streets. I don't eat at all, I hardly ever sleep, maybe an hour or two a night if that.
Everything's turning to shit.

————

"Val, we're thinking of planning another tour." Vince tells me, all five of us slouched over on the couch or on the ground in the nasty living room of what they call a home. Countless random girls and groupies snorting drugs around us, I'm just sitting on the couch curled up in a ball, smoking a blunt of weed about an hour or two after locking myself in the bathroom and engraving my veins with fentanyl.

"Did you hear me?" Vince nudges my arm, getting my attention. I wince in pain at the nudge he gave me due to how weak my skeleton of a body has become. I had zoned out for the millionth time today.

"Can you repeat that, Vin?" I ask him, my voice incredibly raspy and stuck up.

Vince and Mick both stare at me worriedly while Tommy and Nikki are too busy fucking around with the groupies to notice what the fuck I'm going through.

"I said we're planning another tour soon." Vince speaks in a soft voice.

"Oh, that's nice." I mutter, my barely open eyes staring at the ground. I flinch for a moment out of the state I'm in and Vince puts his arm around my frame, attempting to comfort me. Though, there's nothing to comfort. I feel nothing. I am nothing.

"When's the tour?" I try my best to show some interest in their plans and ideas.

"We were thinking December, does that sound good to you?" Vince answers.

"Yeah, Vin." I reply, high out of my mind.

I'm starting to feel severely paranoid and afraid so I decide to make an excuse to go down the hall to my room and shoot some more shit into my system.