Blood & Honey | Eren Yeager x Reader

20. Broken Pieces

Eren's POV

! TW ! - self harm/drugs

Eren shoved his way through the doors, leaving y/n behind him. His mind was reeling a mile a minute with voices screaming at him subconsciously. He needed to escape it. He needed to get away. Get away from his scumbag of a father and leave before he hurt anyone more than he just hurt y/n.

His hands were balling and clenching in fists as he stormed down the sidewalk to the back of the building where his car was waiting, quickly lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag from it. He knew he fucked up. He knew y/n was never going to forgive him for this. He promised to never hurt her and here he was, doing just that. And he knew he was.

He unlocked his car and got in as he pulled his phone out, his chest still heaving with anger and anxiety as the rage dissipated and replaced itself with turmoil. Why was he doing this to the only person that truly loves him? Grisha showing up like that threw him for a loop and he just saw red. He didn't care what and who was standing in the way. He just wants his father to suffer the same way he did, the same way his mother, Carla, did.

Eren stared at y/n's name in his phone as he just wanted to call her. He wanted to apologize and come back to pick her up and go home with her. But his mind was still stopping him, he couldn't let himself drag her to the bottom with him. She deserved so much better than him. Someone that would put her first, not his rage and desire for revenge. He just couldn't let it go. He never would be able to.

He sped back to his apartment and raced inside, needing to find something to make his head shut up. He ran a hand through his messy hair, the pain in his chest growing heavier with each minute. Eren greeted Bishop at the door, kneeling down to pet him and it wasn't until the dog was licking his face that he realized hot tears were streaming down his cheeks.

He blinked them away as he stood up, wiping his face as he felt his eyes become puffy and started going through all of the cabinets to find something to release his anguish. There was hardly a sip left in a bottle of whiskey that he found and he quickly drank it, slamming the bottle down as he continued to search. There had to be something else he could drink, something to take the edge off just a little.

Eren made his was to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, his eyes meeting with a small perscription bottle that had y/n's name on it. He took it and read over the label as he realized they were her oxys from when she was in the hospital. It looked like she had only taken two of them, leaving eight behind in the bottle.

He stared at the pills, the voices in his head screaming and shouting at him. It was all his fault that this happened. It was his fault y/n even had to take these pills because he left her all alone. All this time he called Reiner a monster, yet he was no better.

Eren poured the pills into his hand and took four, placing them on his tongue and turning on the sink as he took a swig of water to wash them down. He placed the cap back onto the bottle and set it on the counter, shame immediately washing over him.

Typical Eren he thought, running away from everything and hiding from facing anything. Pills always helped him cope the best in the past, a few couldn't hurt.

He left the bathroom and continued to scour the kitchen for more alcohol, finding a bottle of tequila in the freezer that y/n must have been saving for her and her friends.

Eren flicked the cap off, bringing the cold glass to his lips as he took long sips. He placed the bottle back down, looking down at Bishop who was staring up at him with concern. Peep was nowhere to be found and Eren knew it was because he was being loud. It always made him skittish and he would hide under the couch or in y/n's closet.