my dearest darling | rab.

oh god, no.

— oh god, no.
25 november 1977

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CALLISTO LEAVES THE RANKS WITH HER EYES SEARCHING FOR BLACK. There are hundreds of students down on the pitch, celebrating Gryffindor's win over Slytherin but Regulus is nowhere to be seen. Callisto can feel it, she can feel that he's not down there anymore. But she doesn't know either where he could be.

There's a weird feeling rising up in her stomach as she's walking past other students to get back to the castle. She can't shake of the worry that's clinging to her chest, making it hard to breathe. Confused, Callisto picks up her pace, trying to swallow the thoughts of Regulus away. She never felt like this before.

When she's entering through the main entrance, Callisto realizes that the only people back in the castle are Slytherins. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs must be busy celebrating Gryffindor's win. She can't blame them to be happy about their win. Everyone, except Slytherin of course, is happy for the other houses when they win against Slytherin's quidditch team.

And Callisto would be happy as well for Gryffindor, if she wasn't on the team this year. She never liked most of her teammates since they are guys with way too big egos.

And right now, ironically, it's her goal to find the teammate with the biggest ego of all. Maybe he just can't handle the defeat. He always catches the snitch first. Always.
And that's one thing that throws Callisto off.

He. Always. Catches. The. Snitch.
Something has to be terribly off.

By now it should be obvious to everyone that Regulus Black has to deal with something big. He never neglects quidditch for anything else if it isn't big. It's his passion...or better it was his passion. But no one really seems to notice, except her.

Callisto recalls one of their conversations.
"There are more important things than quidditch right now."
He told her, which is way out of character for him.

Maybe something at home is bothering him, since his brother left last year.

It was a big story, indeed: „Sirius Black, son to Orion and Walburga Black, left his pure blood family to live with the Potters at the age of sixteen."

Callisto can remember it like it was yesterday.
Everyone was gossiping about it last year.

Slytherins were trash talking Sirius at every chance they got.
But the weird thing is, every Slytherin, except his own brother.
Regulus never talks about Sirius, normally. He mentioned him to Callisto once. And it didn't seem to her that he felt hatred towards him.

She isn't even sure if there's bad blood between the brothers like everyone says. Maybe they're both just too proud to get things right between them. She doesn't know.

As Callisto is passing the Great Hall, she can hear footsteps from behind. She's actually walking through the castle with no destination, searching for Black. But a familiar voice lets Callisto's body freeze in its movements.

"Callisto! Please wait."

Remus Lupin's hurried footsteps echo through the empty corridor as he catches up with her. He must be the only Gryffindor back in the castle, not caring about their win.

Callisto's throat tightens. The last thing she expected was a conversation with Remus and she's is definitely not prepared for that right now.

Slowly, she turns around and looks into his slightly reddened face. His breathing is heavy as he rests his arms on his thighs to calm himself down.

His big and comforting eyes look up at her from below. "Can we talk?" He gasps for air. "Please?"

And suddenly, while standing here in front of him, Callisto can feel her walls crumble. She feels terrible for ignoring him for weeks now, without giving him any chances to talk.

"I-.." The words won't come out of her mouth and she feels the lump in her throat tighten. Don't cry. Don't cry.

She stares down at her feet, feeling ashamed of herself. "I-.." She tries again, but fails. Remus has been nothing but nice to her, always. He never has been mean or unkind to her. But she can't say that for herself.

Callisto can feel tears forming in her eyes and when she looks up again, she tries to blink them away, without success.
Seeing Remus this close, with his scars, his pale skin and dark circles under his eyes, makes her feel even more awful and she can't help it but cry.

"I'm sorry Remus. I really am" she whines miserably, wiping the tears away. "I-...I didn't know what to do...so...so-" her voice breaks again.

Without any response, Remus pulls her in for a hug. "Shhh." He murmurs against her scalp, where he rests his head on. "I know it's been hard for you."

Remus' words make Callisto cry even harder. She buries her face in his chest, clinging to his sweatshirt. He's not even blaming her even though it must have been hard for him too.

"I'm so sorry." She cries out again, feeling his arms tighten around her torso.

"I'm the one who should be sorry Callisto." He whispers low. "You must have been so overwhelmed by the ki-...by my actions."

When Callisto pulls away from him and looks up at his face, she sees a slight blush on his cheeks. "But I shouldn't have ignored you Remus..you're my dearest friend. I didn't mean to hurt you..I promise."

"I know.." Remus gives her a reassuring smile, before he scratches the back of his head. "You're my dearest friend too Callisto and that's why I need to tell you something...something about the kiss."

Oh no.
Oh god.
Oh god, please no.

Callisto doesn't foresee anything good. Does he want to confess his love to her now? She would never, ever be prepared for this.
He's her friend, yes, but not in the "boyfriend" kind of way, but the "buddy" kind of way!

"I...you're the first one to know.." He struggles with his words. "I kissed you, yes, but I needed to make sure I was right...I had this feeling for a long time now..and...and I did realize something when the kiss happened. In that exact moment, I felt something..." Remus stops and nervously stretches his neck.

"I realized that I'm in love with.." He swallows and takes a deep breath.

Oh no.
Oh no no.
Oh no no no.

"...with Sirius."

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