Misadventure

27

Harry's POV

"Please, Gemma."

"No."

"Please.

"No."

"Why?" I asked, but I already knew what she was going to say.

"He wasn't there for me. I've made my peace with it, but I'm not interested in having a relationship with him, Harry."

"It's just hard. I hate having to choose between you two."

I missed my sister terribly. I'd reached a point where I was even willing to go back to Eastbourne, despite the bad memories there, which was a testament to just had desperate I was to see her.

But autumn break was so short. I wouldn't have time to visit Dad in Manchester and Gemma five hours away in Eastbourne, then drive all the way back to London in time for classes to resume.

"It's hard for me too," she told me. "I really miss you."

"There's so much I want to talk to you about."

She laughed. "You've got me on the phone right now, silly. Start talking then."

"It's not the same as talking to you in person," I said lamely. I was too embarrassed to admit what I really meant, which was that I could really use a giant, smothering hug from my big sister, and a shoulder to cry on.

"You still haven't told me about your date with Louis," she said, and my breathing hitched.

I went silent.

"You still there, H?"

"Erm... yeah." I scratched the back of my neck, trying to come up with something to say. "It was good. I'll tell you all about it when I visit for the holidays."

It made me feel a bit unlike myself, withholding information from my big sister like this. The problem was, she was the type to hold a grudge.

I feared that if I told her about my fight with Louis, she might not be able to forgive him as easily as I would. And I wanted to forgive Louis. I planned on it... at some later time.

I still wanted him in my life, I just needed some time, and I needed a solid plan of action for how to handle this whole drinking fiasco.

There was nothing I wanted more than the people I loved most to love each other. I often daydreamed about a future where Louis and I were in a happy relationship, Gemma and Dad swallowed their pride and made up, and the four of us all spent time together like a real family.

I loved each of them, but I felt spread thin so lately. I was tired of having to break myself into pieces and scattering myself in all these different directions. I wasn't whole enough to put what was needed into any one relationship anymore.

As I result, I didn't have the patience Louis deserved.

I didn't have the time required to see Gemma.

I didn't have the emotional horsepower to work towards a normal parent-child connection with Dad.

My grades were decent, but I rarely got the chance to play piano for leisure anymore, it was always for a class, or in preparation for a recital.

Essentially, I feared impending burnout. This autumn break was probably going to be my saving grace.

"You've decided then?" Gemma's voice lit up in excited disbelief. "You're really going to come to Eastbourne for the holidays this year?"

"I'll spend the first week with Dad, I think. You know, for Christmas," I explained, hating the thought of Dad being completely alone. Gemma had Evan and his family. Dad had nobody but me. "I'll drive down and spend the second week with you."