𝐄𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 || Tom Kaulitz

VIII

I took a fast hot shower. The warm water running through my long thick hair made me feel much better. I quickly massaged my hair with my scalp massager and got out of the shower. I put on some towels around my body and  in my hair. I wiped the fog off of my bathroom mirror. As childish as i was before wiping it i drew some hearts,smily faces and stars on the fog. I look down. My towel was short,very short. I could see those memories on my legs. Those purple reddish memories.Those reminders of the worst times in my life. Those scars. Not a lot of people know about them. Not even my parents. Just my brother and some old friends from France. I used to self harm when  i was about 14 till i was 16. Those 2 horrible years,they ruined me. They ruined my body image. They never faded off. Those long scars running through my inner thighs. They ruined everything. I could never image my kids asking me 'Mommy,what's that on your leg?' It would break me,it would break my heart. I could never image my kids going through something like that. I started cutting after my grandfathers death. My grandma died before i was born but my grandfather lived 14 more years. Exactly 14. He died on my 14th birthday. He was always a big big part in my life. He was always there for me and was just like an angel sent to watch over me. I know he still does, even tho he's not here anymore i feel like presence besides me in hard times. It just as if he's here to help me and tell me everything would be ok,just like he did when i was young. I would cut whenever my parents were out,asleep. Basically whenever i was alone. It was so bad i went to school bathrooms just to cut. It was the worst position i was ever in. But im glad i stopped. Even tho the reminders of those stupid years are still there.

I got the scars off of my mind and got it back onto finding the perfect fit. I dug through my whole closet when i found the perfect dress. It had a built in black corset and a checkered black and pink skirt. It looked perfect. I layed it out on my bed and sat on the stool next to my vanity. I put on some makeup with some black lipstick and some pink eyeshadow. I put my hair in a high ponytail and curled it. I loved how bouncy my curls looked. I don't know how i was able to shower,do my makeup,do my hair and get dressed in 30 minutes. Like literally am i superman or something? I put on spider web thighs since i was going for a spidery theme. I paired it up with black leg warmers and Doc martin platforms. It looked perfect. For a 90's party i was literally looking like a star or model. It was the style back then. I got my purse and headed downstairs while i waited for the Kaulitz twins to arrive at my house. It didn't take them long because we live close to each other. Not too close but not too far away. I yelled a quick goodbye to my brother and parents before rushing out of the door. I squealed in excitement. I haven't been to many parties,especially with a lot of people. I was really excited and happy and just filled with emotions. I opened the car door and got in the backseat. Tom was driving and Bill was in the passenger seat. I got greeted by a warm 'Hi' from the passenger seat with a hug and a big smile and a cold 'Hey' from the drivers seat. What was up with this man like for real?

I tried to keep my mind off of the Tom situation and just enjoy this night but jesus it was hard. Just the second we arrived at the party there were tons of people and it looked like one of those famous people parties but Livy and Tom couldn't be away from each other the whole night. Do they really need to be with each other 24/7. I was trying to ignore it and it was working. I was just getting some shots when a guy came up to me. I was too drunk to realise he was flirting and obviously attracted to me. 'You're really beautiful' I kept hearing him repeating over and over while the only 7 words coming out of my mouth were. 'Thanks, could i have some more shots' And truly 3 shots were enough but no we had to triple it,and then triple it again. So yea i had 27 shots. The man offered to pay for it so i accepted it thinking it would just mean nothing and he was only being nice but yea,no way. After i thanked him after he payed for the drinks he offered me some drugs. I of course declined but he kept getting pushy and then forced me to dance with him. I said no but he just kept grabbing me and pulling me to the dance floor. I told him to get off of me and kept yelling at him but it was no use until i see a veiny hand come in and knock him out. I turn to see a boy with braids. The boy who had been nothing but ice cold to me. Tom Kaulitz.

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A.N
These chapters will be corny but please be aware that this book will have mentions of suicide,self harm,abuse,sexual assault,rape,drug use,alcohol use and much more sensitive topics that are not fit with everybody reading this book. I think it's important for me to talk about these things through writing and just help anybody in need and talk for them.