NOOR

Chapter 31

♡ Noor ♡

I was standing in the balcony of my hotel room. Many things running in my head. It all came as a shock for me that the Bhaijaan who always protected me loves me not as a brother but --

I clench my eyes shut and think of the decision I've taken. I cannot love him. In fact, he should not love me.

Opening my eyes I look at the serenity of Manali in the morning. And then I remember the worst day of my life. The day I got to know that I can not conceive. The memories of that day aches my heart and tears form in my eyes.

A knock breaks me from my hazed thoughts and I wipe my face with the shawl draped around my form. Taking a deep breath I open the door to meet the last person on this planet I wanna see right now.

"Bhaijaan."

Ayaan Bhaijaan greets me with a small smile and his warm eyes that makes my heart flutter.

"Noor, I woke up early and was out on a walk when I found this local delicacy Siddu. It's a steamed bun. I thought you will like it." He lifted his hand to show me the bag carrying the toothsome delicacy and my tear ducts couldn't handle his care.

My already glazed eyes watered some more and a sob left my mouth even after trying to control it with every ounce of self control but yet again failed to do so.

Bhaijaan's face morphed into a bewildered expression. Frown etched on his profile and lines of worry forming on his forehead.

Putting a palm on my mouth I turned around rushing to the bed and taking deep breaths to calm my state.

"Noor?" I heard Bhaijaan whisper and then he was near me picking up the bottle of water from the bed side table and persuading me into taking a few gulps.

Sitting beside me on the bed he cupped my cheeks in his large and rough hands that radiates safety and warmth.

"Noor, what happened? Did anyone say something? Just tell me." His comforting words did nothing to ease my already aching heart. I could just look at him and question my destiny for the unfair game it played with not only me but him as well.

"You love me." It wasn't a question anymore. I have been repeating these same words again and again since the moment I heard of this. Just to make me believe it.

The expression on his face morphed into one of a shocked one and his lips parted at my words. His reaction told me enough that all those words weren't meaningless. And I cried at the realisation.

"Why Bhaijaan? Why? You shouldn't be loving me. Never." My words shook him out of the daze he was captured in and dragged his mind to my tear stained face.

"Noor, please stop crying. It isn't your fault that I love you. You shouldn't be burdened by my feelings. They are for me to carry and the emotions I have for you gives my heart the freedom to flutter, they were never heavy on my heart but gave it a reason to beat carelessly for someone. If you don't like it, I understand it all. But just don't say that I shouldn't love you. Because that's the only selfish thing I've done in all my existence."

His confession did something to me. I felt my heart calming down and my chest warming up to the beautiful feelings. I felt my soul reaching out for him but then the rational part of my brain pinged the reality.

"But you know that I can't marry you." Because I am not the one for him. He deserves a woman who isn't as broken as me. Who can love him with all her heart but what I've is a bruised one. He deserves someone who is capable of giving him his happy family and I am not that someone.

"And why is that? If you don't like me, I'll silently wait for you and even if that doesn't happens I'll accept it as Allah's will." I was searching for this shade of love all those years to paint the canvas of my life but never knew it was hidden behind all those gloomy colours. Maybe I was destined to go through all those dispirited colours. Maybe my canvas needed to be painted by those glum shades so that when the beauteous shade of love comes in picture it captures my soul.

"But you know that my heart is bruised by all those past experiences. I'm not the purest one. I can not give you a happy family you deserve. I..."  He shushed my ramblings with a shake of his head and holding my hands in his.

"I don't care if your heart is bruised. I want you to trust me, believe in me that I'll cradle it in my heart with utmost care. You have always been pure to me. Because for me a woman's purity should be defined by her soul and not her virginity. And I know that your soul is pure because I fell in love with it. And if you are worried about giving me a happy family then just know that you are more than enough for me and I can bask in the happiness of taking care of you all my life just the way I've been doing."

Do I even deserve him? Of course I do. Why should I underestimate my self worth. We women are so used to taking whatever little anyone throws at us that we start questioning our own self the moment someone treats us the way we are supposed to be. It's true that love is unconditional and we shouldn't expect anything but at least know that you deserve all the love in this universe in return of the selfless love you give them. If I'm loving you with everything I've then I deserve the same. I'm worth it all.

"I love you Noor. And nothing in this world can change this." His eyes showed the sincerity and the raw feelings that used to be masked behind his unreadable face but at this moment he was an open book for me to read. And I want to go through every single page of this book. I want to skim through all those chapters I'm unaware of. I want to read between the lines. I want to explore all those hidden stories he has treasured since ever.

"I don't know if I love you at the moment or not but I want to. I want to love you with all my bruised heart Bhaijaan."

His eyes lit up at my words and we were both elated at the heartfelt confession of each other but then the door burst opened and came in three not-at-all-desired-at-the-moment human beings shouting....

"For god's grace stop calling him Bhaijaan!!!"

~ ~ • ~ ~

Tum aa gaye ho noor aa gaya hai

Nahi to charagon se lau ja rahi thi
Jeene ki tumse wajah mil gayi hai
Badi bewajah zindagi ja rahi thi

~ ~ • ~ ~

A/N

I hope the confession was upto your expectations. I've been writing this chapter since yesterday and trying to make it as wholesome as I can. So I really hope you like it. (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

And I deserve a Ayaan in my life fr. :⁠'⁠(

Well you all deserve a partner who respects you. And as Noor said. Know your self worth. You deserve it all.
(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Keep showering your love and support.
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~Riya. 🤎