Worthless Confession?!

A solid plan

*sigh*

I was just being there on the beach. The walk towards this beach was quite long but I enjoyed it and now that I was here, I could relax and just lay around as if nothing ever happened. I used to come here often and I also cleaned up the beach. It was all just to keep my mind away from things but now that it was clean, there was nothing really here for me to do.

I wonder if anyone will notice if I just don't come tomorrow...

Maybe Mic will...

Hitoshi will for sure but he might thinkg I am just sick. 

I can always get sick...

Maybe...

Who knows...

*sigh*

I wonder what my family is doing right now...

Oh yeah...

They for sure will not miss me nor are thinking about me...

When was the last time I saw my mother actually....

I started thinking about the last time I actually did see my mother and spend some time but as sad as it may sound, there was not a single moment I could remember that I actually spend together with my mother. Usually when we were at home she would send me to my room and then I wouldn't be allowed to get out. It was always that way. 

Funny how I can't even remember my mothers face that well...

I mean I know she hast freckles like ma and green hair but what was her height, her face... the color of her eyes...

I don't know now....

It must have been a while...

While I was on the beach all alone, I decided to just lay down in the sand and listen to the waves as they hit the beach and then the birds which were going around and flying in circles all over the place. This felt somewhat really really nice. There was nothing I had to do but the truth was... there was soo much I had to do.

I didn't had anything in the fridge anymore so I needed to go buy something. Then there was also my part time job in a bar which I was not supposed to have. It was illegal but no one found out so far, soo nothing could stop me from going there this night as well. Why would I do something that would put me in danger? Well I also needed to somehow survive and needed the money for all kind of things like food, water, electricity bills and then the apartment costs as well. 

If anyone thought my mom was doing this... nope. She gave up one me and also told me to pay rent so I have to pay all that.

Me: *sigh*

I closed my eyes as I was laying there for a couple more minutes.

I really just want to disappear.

This is too much!

Can't I get a break!

I am just glad I found a job or I would be living on the streets...

Maybe the streets are a better place...

No!

Don't think like that!

But maybe it is true.

Nope!

I like it warm!

So don't think about it!

Besides it won't be for long!

Just till tomorrow.

There was this one thing I was observing for the past week already. I wanted to get on a rooftop and then just do it or even get some pills. Since I wanted the later option to be true, I decided to watch the infirmary and then find my chance to slip in and get some pills. It would be definitelly better to take that and then go to the rooftop. I knew that people would probably try to safe me and since it was a hero school that could very well be possible. However on the other hand... it was the only other place I kinda felt a connection. It was just a slight one but whenever I was in school I could forget about my worries and just study. It was a very welcomed distraction and I loved to learn new stuff so it was not even boring to be in the gen ed class. I was just not allowed to look at the teacher at all. 

Tomorrow class 1A should be in the gym doing some excercises with class 1B since they have hero training...

While they do have that I just need an excuse to get to RG and then dip.

No one will miss me...

I wonder if the rooftop is locked...

What if it is?!

I can just try pray it open or find a way up...

I wonder if I should try lock picking...

Maybe...

That is something I will need to think about tomorrow.

At least these pills will help against my anxiety in relation to heights.

*sigh*

Just a bit more...

I can do this...

Just one more night and it will be over!