Simultaneous // Josh & Jake Kiszka

Chapter Four

2 Months Ago...

🎵 "Oh... Why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes. Come on and come to me, now. Don't...be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through. 'Cause I've seen the dark side too. When the night falls on you...and you don't know what to do. Nothing you confess...could make me love you less...I'll stand by you...I'll stand by you... Won't let nobody hurt you...I'll stand by you..."

The lounge singer didn't know that they were breaking you apart with their song. Standing innocently on a little round stage at the back of a packed bar, sequin dress glistening in the stage lights. It felt somehow aimed at you. And the lump in your throat threatened to choke you where you sat, stirring your cocktail with your little umbrella stick.

The production company was having a little post awards ceremony celebration in the hotel. An opportunity for Josh to talk with people he wouldn't normally get the chance to.

You wanted so badly to enjoy the moment. The exalted look on Josh's face when his movie had been announced the winner. The pride you'd felt seeing him up there accepting the award along with his colleagues. The way he had introduced you to them, calling you his love. You wanted all of it to feel as if you deserved your place at his side through this monumental tipping point in his career. But you just wanted to let the earth swallow you whole and let him be the incredible person he was without you.

"You ready to head up?" He asked, noticing you sitting alone at the end of the bar, coming up behind you with the scent of red wine on his breath. "I'm extremely drunk and I've done enough shmoozing."

You discarded your drink. "Didn't you say it was networking?"

Josh's nose was in your hair, scrunching it up in his hands as he trailed a hand down your neck line.

"You're done. I'm drunk. Let's get out of here." He whispered into your ear, "So I can molest you in this incredible dress. That I haven't been able to take my eyes off all night."

You wanted to fuck him. You wanted it so badly the moment the elevator doors closed you could feel your thighs grow increasingly moist. Josh was looking at you in the reflection of the mirrored walls. His eyes heavy lidded and his mouth half open. But you felt unworthy of his love now. You were stuck in this hellish limbo where you couldn't enjoy being with him anymore. But you couldn't enjoy anything else, with anyone else, either.

"Josh?"

The elevator door pinged open and he fished in his breast pocket for the key card. "Yes, baby?"

You stepped out into the corridor and watched him stumble on trying to figure out which end needed to go in the door handle to open it.

"What do I bring to the table?" You asked, taking the key card from him silently as he swayed from side to side.

He slumped on the bed as you threw your bag down. Sluggishly attempting to take his shoes off, laughing at himself as he struggled with the laces of his shoes. It was so endearing. So funny that you couldn't help but giggle under your breath.

"What do you mean?" He asked, kicking them off without untying them. "What table? What are you bringing to what now?!"

You were wholly aware that this conversation might not be remembered. It gave you somewhat of a confidence boost to be able to broach the subject. You hadn't realised it at first, but you were slightly drunk too.

"The table of our lives, Josh." You explained, kneeling to help him take off his socks. "What do I bring to it? You make more money than I do. A hell of a lot more. I feel like you're this brilliant, creative person and I just float around in the background. Why are you even with me?"