Psych Fanfic (Shassie)

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TW: suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide

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"You've never completed a thing in your life."

"I'm sick of you."

"What are you even doing here, Spencer?"

What ARE you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!

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Lassiter watched Shawn walk out of the police station, his head down, eyes averted the entire way. Hesitantly, Lassiter went to the window and watched Shawn get on his motorcycle and drive away without even putting on a helmet.

Something felt wrong. Very wrong. As a police officer, it was Lassiter's job to keep people safe. Which was exactly what he planned to do.

"O'Hara, I'll be back!" Lassiter called over his shoulder before running out of the station to his car.

He hurriedly drove in the direction Shawn was going, feeling impending doom more and more. He stayed a safe distance away from Shawn's motorcycle, but kept it in view. They were driving for about ten minutes, and everything seemed alright before they approached a bridge.

Lassiter had almost calmed himself down before he watched Shawn swerve to the left... and plummet off the bridge.

"Shit!" In shock, Lassiter slammed on the brakes, tires screeching as he stopped. He flung open the car door hard enough for it to slam back into him, but he was oblivious to this in his panic.

Lassiter ran back from the bridge and down the rocks that lined the sides of the arch to find Shawn, unconscious, laying in the shallow river. Blood mixed with the water around him, his motorcycle a few feet away from him.

Lassiter ran over to the body and lifted his head off a rock, putting his hand between the wound and the sharp edge and immediately putting two fingers against Shawn's throat. There was a pulse; a faint one, but a pulse nonetheless.

Relieved, Lassiter grabbed his phone from his pocket and called an ambulance. As it rang, he muttered, "What the hell, Spencer..."

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Shawn's eyes opened slowly and he groaned in pain, sitting up. He put a hand on his forehead before wincing and pulling it away.

"Oh, thank god..."

Shawn jerked his attention to the voice and recalled seeing that same face before blacking out. How did he know he was there? Did he-

"Did you follow me-?"

Lassiter scanned and analyzed Shawn's face; partially confusion, partially annoyance, and a whole lot of guilt and answered simply, "Yes."

"...Why...?" Shawn sort of grimaced.

Lassiter spoke in a soft tone, "I was worried about you."

Shawn looked down, "Sor-ry..." His voice cracked in a sob right in the middle of the word, making it turn into a whisper, "I didn't know you- I didn't mean to worry you."

It confused Shawn why Lassiter would worry about him. Lassiter, who always scoffed at his presence and talked to him in a harsh tone every day. Tears welled up in Shawn's eyes. More than anyone, more than anything, Shawn wanted him to approve of just his general existance. But he didn't.

He hates you. He saved you because it's his fucking job, not because he cared. He wished you would die, like everyone wishes you would die. You have to try harder next time. Why do you have to do this so much? Make everyone upset? Why can't you do anything right?

"Sh- Spencer?" Lassiter put a hand on Shawn's shoulder as a tear rolled down his face. He took a deep breath, "Did you do that on purpose...?"

Shawn nodded, struggling to hold back a sob as tears were streaming down his cheeks. He gripped his arms, trying to hold onto whatever was left of himself.

Lassiter sighed sadly and wrapped his arms around the broken person in front of him, silently holding him close and avoiding touching his wounded head, "It's gonna be okay."

"I'm sorry..." Shawn whispered, barely audible.

"For what?"

"Everything..." Shawn gasped a sob, "You're always angry at me and I always screw up and I always lied to you and everyone and I... I'm not a ps-"

Lassiter quickly put a hand over Shawn's mouth, exhaling unsteadily, "Don't."

Shawn started crying more than he'd ever cried as far as he could remember, "...I'm sorry..."

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"Spencer...?" Lassiter felt Shawn go limp and looked down to see him asleep, safe in his arms. Lassiter smiled softly and held him closer, muttering something he'd never said to anyone but his ex-wife a handful of times, "I love you, Shawn."

"I love you too, Lassie." Shawn whispered under his breath, only half asleep, "But I thought I was the one with possible brain damage."

Lassiter froze, eyes wide as he looked down at the man who was still laying there with his eyes closed. He sat there staring at him until he heard relatively loud snoring.

Just then, Juliet and Gus ran in, "What happened?!" They both yelled, looking at all the bandages- one around Shawn's head and a few on various gashes on his body.

"Shh," Lassiter was past caring about what this situation looked like to his partner or to Gus, "He's sleeping. He just... had an accident." He responded, not sure whether or not Shawn would want to tell them what really happened, "He's okay."

Both Gus and Juliet sighed in relief. Suddenly, Juliet's phone rang.

"Yes?" There was a pause while the person on the other end was talking, "Alright." Juliet hung up, "Carlton. We have a case."

Lassiter looked back at Shawn and then up at Juliet with pleading eyes.

Juliet sighed and smiled, "I got it covered. Gus, come with me?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, of course." Gus gave his friend one last look, seeing he was in good hands, before he and Juliet headed out, leaving Lassiter with Shawn.

There was a visible change in Shawn's expression and breathing. He seemed scared or upset and his breath became more rapid by the second. He was muttering something audible yet unrecognizable in his sleep.

"Shawn, are you okay?"

Wet streaks slipped down his face. Lassiter watched with pain and pulled him in closer kissing his forehead. He didn't know whether or not he should wake him up.

Lucky for him, he didn't have to decide that. Shawn's eyes flew open and he jerked up, almost hitting Lassiter's face in the process.

"Shawn!" Lassie yelled in surprise

Shawn's face became pink, "W-what-?"

"S-spencer!"

There was an awkward pause before Shawn said, "I'm hungry-"

"Do you wanna get food somewhere?"

"McDonald's?"

"Sure."

"It's a date." Shawn hopped up and kissed Lassiter on the cheek, making him red, "Let's go."