Psych Fanfic (Shassie)

( 3 )

TW: mention of attempted suicide, sexual assault

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Shawn watched how Lassiter ate; not putting he elbows on the table and things like that. Things Shawn was taught as a child but never really listened to, but he tried to copy Lassiter's manners, not wanting to seem uncouth. He wanted with all his heart for Lassiter to like him.

Shawn bit into a chicken nugget whilst staring at Lassiter and almost choked to death.

"Are you okay?" Lassiter, who had awkwardly been avoiding eye contact, looked up. Shawn didn't admit it, but he made the choking seem a little more dramatic than it actually was. There was genuine concern in the detective's eyes and Shawn felt his heart flutter at it.

When Shawn finally got it under control (he actually got it under control a while ago, but he stopped acting), he said he was fine.

"So... Sha- Spencer-"

"You can call me Shawn if you want to," Shawn interrupted, "Sorry, go ahead."

It was weird of him to apologize, which made Lassiter even more uneasy, "Spencer," he said anyways, "What... happened?"

Shawn, in a weak attempt to stall, wore a confused expression as he asked, "What do you mean?" There was nervousness visible somewhere in his voice or his character.

"At the bridge. What happened?" Lassiter tried a more authoritative voice, which only seemed to make Shawn more nervous. He got paler, like he was about to throw up. Shawn somewhat hoped he WOULD throw up and take the attention off the topic.

"I mean, I know what happened. You drove off the bridge," both Shawn and Lassiter somewhat flinched at the blatant sentence, "What I want to know is why." He said in a softer tone.

Shawn opened his mouth to find that his vocal cords were refusing to work and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You're not a screw-up, Shawn," Lassiter leaned forward, "Everyone screws things up." However, he spoke to deaf ears.

"I know I'm a screw up. Who cares if everyone screws things up? I screw up more. I ruin everything. The world would be better off without me," Shawn thought without realizing he was muttering aloud.

Lassiter's throat caught. He didn't believe that Shawn Spencer, the most carefree, funny, and most caring person in the room could feel this way.

Shawn read Lassiter's expression perfectly, "It's more of a mask to cope, honestly." When Lassiter was immediately surprised, he said, "Psychic."

This made Lassiter even more confused, "You said..."

"Oh. Yeah. I'm just hyper-observant," Shawn elucidated.

Lassiter nodded, deep in thought. Why would Shawn reveal this to him now? What if Lassiter had told the station? Did Shawn really trust him with this information?

"You don't have to try to make me feel better, Lassie," Shawn reassured while standing up and laying a credit card on the table, even using the nickname again, "I won't do it again. Give the card back to Gus later if you see him."

Lassiter watched Shawn walk away without saying anything. But fuck he should have.

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Shawn sped out before Lassiter had a chance to realize that Shawn would have to walk home as his motorcycle was trashed and he rode to McDonald's with Lassiter.

Shawn was pretty familiar with the road that went from his house to McDonald's, but it would take a while to get there. He was walking when a vehicle slowed down behind him.