What We Lost In The Winter

Chapter 23

 A school bus was parked in front of the synagogue to take all the kids to the party. Lydia and I are two of the first people on because Haley was nowhere to be found and we didn't really want to go back to Jackie and her "perfect" new friends. She seriously said Amanda's little posse was perfect. It's like she's hypnotized because they are far from flawless. Unless judging people you don't even know is splendid, then there's an issue.

"But seriously though, I don't want to be mean, but that blonde girl was a female dog," Lydia says for at least the third time.

"I know. I'm not friends with her," I repeat. As the bus gets full, I see the homeschooled girls sit down in the front. Delaney looks for me, but ends up sitting with Gianna. Jenna, the only one who isn't related to someone else, finds a spot in the front alone. I feel bad for her. She barely said anything the whole time, she seems the nicest of them all. The only thing she'd said was that she was excited to meet me. Amanda and Gianna on the other hand, that was a different story. I guess the bad blood doesn't run through her veins.

The bus pulls up to this party venue. We pile off the bus and enter the building. A doorway leads to a dark room with pounding music; however, the room we're standing in is lightly colored. A table on one side is filled with name cards. I find mine between Lily and Alaina's. The adult cards seem to be somewhere else because our parents' aren't there."

What table are you at?" Lydia asks.

"Three. What about you?" I say hopefully. I don't exactly want to be separated from her.

"Four. That's probably the family table," my friend sighs.

"Wait, Becca, you're at Table Three?" Jackie asks, walking up behind Lydia.

"Yeah," I nod.

"Awesome! The whole group's together," she smiles. I mentally groan. I'm at a table with Jackie and Delaney, probably Jenna, that's great, sure. But there's also that stupid Amanda and her minion sister Gianna. "Let's go in.

"I see Lydia mouth "good luck," as we walk away. I sigh. They always say that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I'm not sure how good the lemonade would taste in a situation like this, but it'll have to do.

As we enter the darker room, I'm instantly hit by noise. Noise everywhere. I don't think there is a single spot in the entire universe that's louder than this. Music blasts out of invisible speakers and I can feel the bass pulsing in my heart. The ground seems to shake with the vibrations. There are people everywhere. All of Haley's dance friends run around like idiots and scream and shout as they make their way to the dance floor. My little group finds our table and sets down our placecards. I'm on the end, next to Delaney. That's good. The step-sisters are far away from me.

The room actually isn't that dark, now that I've entered. Rainbow lights flash at the front of the room, shining down on a radiant wood dance floor. Behind the floor, hanging on the wall, is a lime green and blue sign that reads Hip-Hop Haley.  "Becca, come on!" Jackie shouts. I look up to see everyone else is heading off towards the dance floor to party. I reluctantly stand up and join them, although dancing with these girls is the last thing I want to do. But it's Haley's day, and most likely the only Bat Mitzvah they'll go to. The Merricks were the only Jewish kids in the Crew. Even though I haven't talked to Haley yet, I don't want to be pouting at the table. Today isn't about me, so I'll just have to suck it up and have fun. Or pretend to have fun. Drink the lemonade, I tell myself.

While Jackie and Delaney and Amanda and Gianna and Jenna are dancing and having a totally amazing time, I feel like a phony. An imposter. I hate myself for being so selfish. I see Lydia with all her cousins, I don't want to distract her from being with them.

"I'm gonna find Lily," I say, trying to get an excuse to leave the dance floor. I haven't seen Lily or Alaina since we got here.

"Wait! Lily's here! I need to say hi to her!" Jackie shouts. The two of us walk away, leaving her sister and the other three behind. I don't exactly feel bad that we're abandoning them. Actually, it feels good. It's just me and Jackie. The way it should be.

"Okay, so I haven't really been able to talk to you alone yet, but I need you to tell me everything," my friend says excitedly.

"About what?" I shrug. I regret asking that, the answer is pretty obvious.

"School, obviously! Who are your friends? How are your teachers? What about boys? How are Lily and Alaina doing? How's your Mom doing? What have I missed?" We somehow end up at our table and sit down. So looking for my little sister wasn't exactly the point of this mission.

"It's good. The people are great, my teachers are great. Boys are boys. Lily loves school so much it's concerning. Alaina has friends, I think. I honestly don't know. Mom loves her job. And that's practically my entire life." I somehow managed to answer all of her questions. That's really impressive on my part.

"Really? Because I'm so nervous about maybe going to school. I'm, like, super socially awkward—" Jackie starts.

I laugh, cutting her off. "You are so not socially awkward."

"Okay, I'm not super socially awkward. But how did you know who to talk to or where to sit and stuff?"

"People wanted to sit with me. It was like I was freaking famous or something," I add, "Not really," but she gets the picture.

"Yeah, okay. That's good. So it wasn't like the stereotypical new girl thing you always read about in books?" She seems genuinely worried, something that doesn't usually describe Jackie ever.

"Not at all. Besides, you'll have Delaney. You won't be alone." I hope that offers her some comfort.

"That makes it worse. What if Delaney makes friends and I don't? What if Delaney becomes popular and I don't? Or vice versa?" my friend sighs.

"Don't worry about it. You'll be fine. You don't even know if you're going back," I assure her.

"Thanks," she cracks a smile and so do I.

"Let's actually go find Lily," I say, trying to change the subject.

"Sure," Jackie nods, but it seems like she's in another world. I want to reach into her head and tell her to stop worrying, but I can't. All I can do is comfort her; however, that only seems to make it worse. How can I assure her that everything is going to be fine? How can I convince her that possibly going to school could be incredible? I'm helpless.

We find Lily with Johnny Merrick (Haley's little brother) and the other cousins. Lydia's there too.

"Jackie!" Lily shouts when she sees us. My nervous friend is quickly engulfed in a hug. Jackie, Delaney, and Haley were always like older sisters to her. It's a family reunion.

By 4:30, the party is over. I hug Jackie and Delaney goodbye. Amanda, Jenna, and Gianna not only said it was great meeting me; they decided I was cool enough to follow on Instagram. Why is that a measure of coolness? Ooh! This person is cool! I'm going to follow them on social media so I can stalk their every movement! People are weird.

Our family goes back to the hotel exhausted. Sadly, our car ride home starts as soon as possible. I change back into normal clothes, it feels great to take off my annoying fancy shoes and replace them with Uggs.

By five-thirty we're in the car.

By eleven-thirty we're home.

By midnight, I'm asleep.