What We Lost In The Winter

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

 

I have to look back at the Kents again. I barely recognize them. Both twins have grown significantly. Jackie’s hair is straight of the first time ever. Delaney’s has gone even darker than it used to be. They both look older and more distant than I remember them. Maybe it was the dresses. They were both dressed in dark getups which made them look way more sophisticated. That’s a word I would never use to describe the Kent Twins.

They don’t see me at first, or if they do, they don’t recognize me. I can’t imagine I look as different as they do, but I’ve probably changed just as much. My family silently follows theirs into the synagogue, where loads of people already stand. A bunch of girls I don’t recognize stand around in the corner excitedly.

In the middle stands Haley, who looks stunning. Her blonde hair is held back beautifully in the world’s most elaborate bun and she wears a long green dress that reaches her shins. She’s taking pictures with all the surrounding girls. How does she know them? Were they from her dance team? Probably. Haley has a lot of dance friends.

“Candice! Tanner!” a familiar deep voice shouts. It’s Mr. Merrick, Haley’s dad. I turn around instantly, and so do the twins. We stare at each other for a few seconds that feel like hours. Their eyes stare into mine, like they’re trying to figure out who I am.

“Omigod. Becca!” Jackie exclaims. We run to hug each other, and then step back out.

“I’ve missed you guys so much. You have no idea,” I smile. It’s honestly great to let out all the nerves I’ve been holding in for so long.

“I know. The Crew is so empty without you,” Delaney agrees.

“Well, there isn’t really much left after you take out me and Lily,” I shrug. There would only be about ten people left in the group.

“Mrs. Lanzer’s recruited way more people. There are like three new girls our age now. It’s great. But it’s not the same without you,” the twins cut me off.

“Wait— there are more people?”

“Yeah! Jenna, Gianna, and Amanda. Gianna and Amanda are twins, and Jenna’s their step-sister. They do competitive cheerleading on some fancy club team. I don’t really know all the details. And they’re so cool. Like, I don’t even know how to explain it. They’re just perfect. I mean, you’re perfect, but like these three girls, I mean, it’s insane…” Jackie begins to talk but I stop listening.

All the nerves return in an instant. What if I was forgotten? What if Delaney and Jackie and Haley no longer care about me because of these three new girls? What if these newbies take away the only friends I’ve had for the past five years? The only thing that got me through those days of constantly worrying what would happen at Redo was knowing that no matter what, I’d still have my Crew friends. I don’t know what to expect as my first year in public school goes on. If I end up alone in the future, I’ll end up literally alone. I won’t have anyone. Jackie continues to blab on about the step-sisters. It’s like they’ve turned her into their little minion. For the first time ever, I want my loquacious friend to shut up. I want her to stop talking about these three girls I’ve never even met. I want her to stop obsessing over people she’s only known for a month. But what resonates deep beneath me, is that I want her to shut up and pay attention to me. I hate myself for thinking that way. All I want to do is rip open my heart and take out this jealousy and throw it in a paper shredder and send its remains far far away so I’d never have to think of it again. But it’s like that spot on your back that you just can’t reach no matter how hard you try. And it ends up just making me feel worse.

“So how’s Michigan?” Delaney says finally. I can not even begin to explain how thankful I was to stop hearing about the new girls.

I want to go on and talk for hours about how amazing all the people there are. How I have so many new friends and they’re all so nice and that even though they’re making new friends, I’m making more. Because I’m having a great time too. But all I say is, “It’s great, thanks.”

“Is public school weird?” one of them asks. They have the exact same voice, so if you aren’t looking at them directly, it’s impossible to tell who’s talking.

“Sort of. It’s really different. There are way more people,” I shrug. I want to take that back. Who knows how many new people have joined the Crew? It may not be way more people. It might only be a few more. I highly doubt it. My grade at Redo is huge. There’s no way the Crew, with or without recruits, could compare to it.

“Do you like it, though? Like, do you prefer going to school than being homeschooled?” This time, it’s Jackie that asks.

“Yeah, I actually think it’s better. It’s more social, definitely. But it’s nice being surrounded by so many people,” I explain. I’m not lying at all. I honestly really like being at school. There are always other people, and there’s always someone I can talk to in class. Teachers never make a huge fuss over one person because they have to give the entire class a lesson. There’s always someone I can ask for help if I’m struggling on my homework or call if I’m bored and want to hang out with someone. That’s something I could never quite say about the days when I was homeschooled.

“Okay. Don’t tell anyone about this. Do you promise not to tell anyone about this?” Delaney grabs my hand, her blue eyes staring into mine.

“I won’t tell anyone,” I say without knowing what to expect. Jackie’s eyes share the same what-I’m-about-to-tell-you-is-dead-serious-and-you’re-the-only-person- I’m-telling-this-too-so-you-better-keep-it-secret look that rarely crosses her face.

“Our mom wants to put us back in public school. Jenna and Gianna and Amanda’s parents want them to go back also. Dad’s not really too sure about it yet, but after seeing your success, he’s really starting to give in to Mom. It looks like we’ll be in school again too, now,” Delaney reveals her secret. I gasp. The Kents are possibly going to school? That’s one thing I never would have expected to hear. During those weeks before I went up to Michigan and the Crew was on hiatus, their entire family complained endlessly about how I almost died the last time I was in school so sending us all back was ridiculous.

“Haley doesn’t know,” Jackie admits. She’s almost embarrassed. I suddenly feel bad for Haley. I already abandoned her, and now Jackie and Delaney might be too. And what about Jenna, Amanda, and Gianna? If Delaney’s right and their parents want to enroll them in public school, Haley will be alone. Technically, it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t moved away first and done so well in normal middle school, the Kents would never even think of leaving. Now that they’ve seen the bright side of it, they might be following my footsteps, leaving Haley behind in the dust.

This Bat Mitzvah just took a dark turn.

A/N

I said I would post this last week, oops.

Question of the Chapter: Is Becca worrying too much about what would happen if Jackie and Delaney go back to school?