Real or not Real?

Chapter 1

I wake with a scream. I sit up quickly and scan the room. Nothing. Breath Katniss, Breath. Shutting my eyes, I concentrate on just that but seconds later my dream comes flooding back.

Rue. Eyes lifeless, Her sobs, Red...so much red. And shortly after she died in my arms the mutts came and gnawed on her. I tried to get her back but I couldn't it seemed like I wasn't anything but a ghost, I couldn't move at all.

I begin to cry. There is no way to get rid of these dreams, No, not dreams, nightmares. I curl into a ball and try to calm myself down but it's useless. I know that I won't be able to fall back asleep. Not with the memories of the Games in my head.

I know I'm not the only one who has these nightmares though, there is another person who I'm sure is having these restless nights just like myself. Peeta. I try not to think of him, I really do, but it's almost impossible not to think of him. I always wonder how he deals with his nightmares. The only way I dealt with them was when he was here. But he isn't and that's even worse. I know I shouldn't be thinking about him this much and he probably isnt thinking of me whatsoever especially since I broke his heart.

(The Hunger Games Pg. 371-373)
"Great job, you two. Just keeps it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay" I watch him head back to the train, avoiding Peeta's eyes.
"What's he mean?" Peeta asks me
"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," I blurt out.
"What? what are you talking about?" He says.
"It seemed to rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse," I say.
"Coaching you? But not me," says Peeta.
"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," I say.
"I didn't know there was anything to get right," says Peeta. "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess...back in the arena that was just some strategy you two worked out."
"No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?" I stammer
"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" says Peeta. I bite my lip. "Katniss?" he drops my hand and I take a step, as if to catch my balance.
"It was all for the games," Peeta says. "How you acted."
"Not all of it," I say, tightly holding on to my flowers.
"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" he says. "I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get," I say. he waits, for further explanation, but none's forthcoming.
"Well, let me know when you work it out"

I shut my eyes tightly at the memory of his response. His voice. For some reason he really loved me and I broke his heart. But that's why I'll never love anyone because everyone I love gets hurt and I don't want to do that to him again.

I'm shivering as I get out of bed and pull on a robe even though it's 4am. As I walk downstairs I make sure to be quiet as I pass Prim's room, though its never been that difficult for me to be silent. My sweet little Primrose, full of love and kindness for everyone and everything around her. Now that she lives with me and not my mother, who decided to stay in our old home in the Seam, she's been trying to be as helpful as she could be when I have my nightmares but she never can truly help me but I don't tell her that.

I fix myself a cup of hot chocolate as I enter the kitchen, something that I discovered on the train on the way to District Twelve. Delicious, creamy, chocolate mixed with warm milk. I could never get out of the habit of drinking it after that and I don't think I ever will. Shortly after sitting down with my hot chocolate I hear a knock on the door. Who could that be at this time? As I open the door I am surprised to see Haymitch at my step.
"Haymitch. What are you doing here?"
He steps past me and slumps himself down in a chair with a flask of what is most likely some type of alcohol and takes a swig of it.
"Hey!," I say more demandingly "you can't just walk in here like you own the place an-"
"Shut it, Sweetheart" He waves me off dismissingly
" I only came to let you know that the Victory Tour is in two weeks"
The victory tour. I've been dreading it since I found out about it. Not only will I have to go to every district which each dead tribute lived in but I'll have to keep up the act to convince everyone that I am madly in love with my fellow partner, Peeta Mellark. Haymitch speaks up again as if reading my mind.
"They miss you," he says
I can feel my face turn sour at that.
"Well, good for them because honestly I don't miss them at all" I reply coldly
"You know what I mean Sweetheart," Haymitch whispers lowly at me "They miss the act"
I can feel my shoulders slump at the reminder. Another reason why I feel like one of Snows puppets.
"How are you supposed to convince Snow that you're in love with him if you haven't even spoken with each other since the games ended?" He asks me
"I don't think he wants to talk to me" I reply quietly
"That's a lie. The boys a goner." He says wistfully
I look up at him but he continues to talk
"Look, if you two don't start to get cozier soon the Capitols going to start to notice you guys and not in a good way" he puts the flask down and looks at me seriously "Got cameras everywhere" he whispers
I feel myself stiffen. "Just keep up the act and convince them that you're madly in love with him, alright?" There's nothing for me to say so I nod at him.
"Because if you don't you're both screwed"
With that he gets up and leaves my home. I stare at the hot chocolate contemplating what he said. How am I supposed to do it? Convince the Districts that I'm in love with Peeta? it seems close to impossible. But I know that if I don't find a way to do it then not only am I putting myself and my family in danger I'm putting Peeta in danger too.