Knowing Kiara

2

My sweet, beautiful baby girl. I have moments left to put a lifetime's worth of love and support into one final goodbye to you and already I've wasted too much precious time drying my blurry eyes of my tears.

I'm leaving you this for a few days before your big twenty first, I hope it doesn't haunt your birthday completely bellezza, that is not my intention.

On my twenty first birthday I had the best gift of my entire entitled life. My tiny, freckled soulmate...You.

I can't express to you how sorry I am that I won't be there to ensure you feel a fraction of the love you gave me on my birthday, I can only trust that your father will spoil you rotten as you so deserve.

Happy birthday mio raggio di sole. You are the light of my life and I will never stop loving you.

I can't even fathom my chubby cheeked baby girl, singing disney songs as I speak, as a twenty one year old young woman. All I'm sure of is that you'll be beautiful inside and out.

Now is the part where I taint your birthday Carina. I can't apologise enough for the timing but on your twenty first birthday Georgio Bellanca finishes his prison sentence and the first thing he will do is track you down.

Trust him bellezza. Trust him and nobody else.

I'll love you even when the world ends and the universe implodes,
-mamma.

•

When my tear ducts are empty and my sore eyes are clear from tears I lock her final words to me away in the drawer with all of my most sentimental keepsakes.

The lack of tears doesn't stop my body convulsing with sobs. My throat is sore from hiccuping and the empty space in my heart feels more prominent then ever.

With a mind of their own my feet carry me across the hall to my dad's bedroom and straight across the threshold.

His bed remains perfectly made and untouched since he stands tense and awaiting by the bay window.

His one hand was pressed into his face, his other arm strewn across his torso showing clear, unfiltered stress.

The minute my footsteps prick his ears he strides across the room to me before he even has the time to meet my eyes.

And then, we're one as we embrace tighter than ever.

I'm not shouldering this alone and the world doesn't feel so empty. He's here for me, exactly as he promised. At stupid 'o clock in the morning.

He doesn't ask about the letter, he doesn't need to. He heard my cries, he gave me the space and time to have my moment. And he waited, knowing I would find him soon enough.

I don't speak a word. He doesn't expect me to. We silently half the pain until the sun rises and the birds sing.

Only then when my eyes refuse to stay open, do I join my father in the dream world.

•

A door slamming and shaking the walls wakes me abruptly. I jolt into a seated position and just about make out my dad doing the same through my sleep blurred vision.

I'm completely dazed for the time being. I have no recollection of what year, month or day it is, never mind the time.

All I know is aunt Kelly is furious at Jace and doors are being slammed next door.

"Without even getting started on how...outrageous this whole thing is, can I remind you how selfish you're being Jace Sierra?!" Her scold is loud and clear even through the bricks that separate us.