Saving Bucky Barnes

Chapter 4

Mostly all we do is sleep and eat. But Bucky has been talking a bit more.

"Why did they bring you here?" he asked.

"I don't know. I am nobody special. Not even to SHIELD."

"You're not an agent?"

"No. I am a helper. I listen when people need to talk things out."

"Oh. Why did Hydra bring you?"

"I was the only one there."

"Tell me about Steve."

I went on and on for a long time about Steve. Bucky listened with his usual expressionless mask on. 

When I had finished, I added, "He told me about you."

"He did?"

"Yes. I loved reading stories about you. I always had an interest in you and your story."

"Tell me my story."

And I did. I told him everything.

"I wish I could remember," he whispered softly, looking down at his hands.

"It's okay Bucky. They aren't  gone forever."

All too soon I realized my mistake. I had called him Bucky again. But he didn't do anything. I suppose he saw the fear and realization in my eyes and was quick to quiet my fears.

"You can call me Bucky now," he said as a ghost of a smile flickered across his normally stern face.

"Thank you," I said softly and I almost reached out my hand to touch his shoulder, but I hesitated and drew back. It had probably been years since anyone had touched him in a kind and gentle way. He wouldn't know how to react. 

"Did Hydra hurt you?" he asked and his eyes met mine for a brief moment. Something similar to worry flashed in those beautiful blue eyes but it was gone so fast that I thought perhaps I had just imagined it.

"Not really," I replied and shrugged my shoulders.

"They hurt people. The made a monster out of me." The way he said this seemed almost robotic, as if these facts had been drilled into his head. 

"No, you're not a monster," I said gently. He looked at me and just shook his head gently. "You are a man Bucky and you feel the same things I do. You're human just like me."

My hands shook a bit but I kneeled down next to him and took a deep breath. I held out my hand and waited to see if he trusted me enough to let me touch him. He looked down at me and his eyes held confusion. He didn't understand and I knew I just needed to go for it.

I gently laid my hand on his. He jumped a bit and his shoulders were tense.

"Relax Bucky, I won't hurt you I promise,"  I whispered and my fingertips inched their way up his arm. 

He was still tense but he closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing calm. My hand hovered over his chest before I gently rested it right on his heart and I could feel his heartbeat under my palm. It was pounding and I knew he was nervous.

"Bucky do you feel that?" I asked and he nodded his head. I gently took his other hand and placed it right over my own heart. 

"Your heart beats just like mine does. You feel things just like I do. They may have told you that you're a monster and they may have tried to take away your humanity. But as long as your heart is still beating and as long as you can still feel my touch, you will never truly be a monster. You're just a man who was made to do bad things. But you are no monster Bucky Barnes," I said and I let my hands fall to my lap. 

I looked up at him and desperately searched his eyes for any sign of emotion. He still seemed confused but his hand reached up to gently tuck my hair behind my ear and as he did, his knuckles brushed my cheek softly. 

"As long as you can feel me, you'll be okay Bucky."

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The scraping of metal against metal woke me in the morning and I sat up quickly. Someone came into the room and at first I thought they were coming to take Bucky and my heart skipped a beat. The man approached me and roughly grabbed my arm and yanked me to my feet. I felt a mixture of emotions all at once. Relief because they were here for me and not Bucky, but fear because I didn't know what they were going to do with me.

They took me to be questioned again and just like last time, I was punished for not knowing the answers. They threw me roughly back into the cell and I barely caught myself in time. I laid my head down gently on the floor and felt the cool metal press against my pounding head. A few tears escaped me and my shoulders shook in quiet sobs. I just wanted to get out of here. 

There was a slight rustle and I opened my eyes to see Bucky sitting close to me. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something but then he thought better of it and his mouth closed. He held his hand out, just how I held my hand out to him the night before. I sat up slowly and laid my hand gently in his. 

He scooted a bit closer and he seemed at a loss for what to say or do. The look on his face was almost comical and I almost laughed out loud. He was trying to comfort me but he wasn't sure of what to do. I pulled his hand gently and pulled him closer so I could wrap my arms around him. I rested my head on his shoulder and laughed gently. His arms hung limply at his sides at first but then he slowly drew me closer to him. 

"Oh Bucky what would I do without you?"