Ashes of Love and War - TodoMomo

||Chapter 27 ~ Part 2||

Resigned, he curled his hands into fists underneath the water. Tetsu-Tetsu must be imagining things. Although Yaoyorozu's regard for him had changed, it didn't mean anything more than that she was now more comfortable in his presence. She had hugged and been close to Tokoyami in a way that seemed to transcend simple friendship as well, and yet, she wasn't in love with him. Not romantically, at least.

Shouto's chest felt tight. Besides, even if Shouto wished for it, his and Yaoyorozu's relationship couldn't be anything more than companionship.

After all, Kaminari was the god of unrequited love.

"So, game plan!"

Shouto jerked his head back up.

Tetsu-Tetsu was giving him a pointed look. "What's your next move?" Tetsu-Tetsu wiggled his silver eyebrows suggestively. "Going to tell her how you feel?"

Shouto swallowed over a lump in his throat. He dropped his gaze down to stare at the ripples expanding across the surface of the hot pool.

"No."

"What?!"

Tetsu-Tetsu's mouth fell open. His sharp eyes widened. "Why the Hades not?"

Because he was cursed by the god of unrequited love.

Because he was a soldier.

Because, even if there was the slightest of chances that Yaoyorozu did fall in love with him, he would only end up hurting her.

A sour taste filled Shouto's mouth. He looked back up, intending to brush Tetsu-Tetsu off, but then he paused. Tetsu-Tetsu was staring at him. His silver eyes were sharp, and his expression was obstinate. He wouldn't let this go, Shouto realized.

He sighed. He wasn't ready to discuss Kaminari or the spell. Instead, Shouto decided to go with the easiest reason to explain. "I'm a Spartan soldier. And it's not like I have any intention of retiring once I get back." His jaw tightened. "Love only makes a soldier weak."

Tetsu-Tetsu stared at him. "You can't seriously believe that?"

"It's how Sparta has stayed such a military powerhouse. Our loyalty is to our State. Not women. After all, Ares is our patron god," Shouto said with a derisive scoff.

"What about Hercules and Theseus? They were brave heroes who fell in love."

"Hercules' family was used against him, and he ended up murdering them. Theseus lusted for Ariadne and used the princess' assistance to kill the Minotaur, but then he left her once he achieved his goal."

"Okay, bad examples," Tetsu-Tetsu admitted with a sheepish grin before a look of intense determination flashed across his expression. "But still, man! Who gave you the idea that love makes a man weak?"

Shouto didn't answer. These cautionary tales, weren't they tragic enough without an edict, but Tetsu-Tetsu seemed unwilling to let the topic drop. And, in truth, uncertainty crept into Shouto's thoughts when Tetsu-Tetsu pressed him for an answer. It felt like he was on a wobbly bridge, vacillating between what he thought he knew and what he felt.

Spartan philosophy was unequivocal: women were distractions. A man's true purpose was to be a soldier for his State.

Of course, it was logical for a man to have a family in order to carry on his lineage, but it was a guilty pleasure to take enjoyment in a woman's company beyond that, a weakness unbefitting a soldier that needed to be extinguished. That's why Ares had never married; although, Shouto personally couldn't imagine anyone deciding to willingly stay by his old man's side.

But regardless of his old man's teachings, Shouto had to agree that falling in love wasn't a good idea for a warrior. In battle, the difference between life and death was mere moments. The scar over his left eye was proof enough of how a soldier's weakness could be used against him.

'Little brother, women are nothing but a distraction for a warrior.'

Shouto swallowed stiffly at the memory of Dabi appearing over the trireme. He reached up to touch the dry, bumpy flesh. Even after months, an unnatural heat radiated from the scar.

It wasn't as if Shouto was afraid of death. However, the thought of being weak and unable to fight or protect those he cared about made something inside of him twist sickeningly.

Shouto's jaw tightened. He dropped his hand back down to stare at his palm. Perhaps if he was a regular man, someone like Tetsu-Tetsu, he wouldn't harbor this internal conflict. Nevertheless, the truth was that (as much as Shouto despised his old man for putting him in the barracks when he was only five years old) Shouto wouldn't deny that he liked being a warrior.

He wanted to be strong.

That's why he needed to break the spell. Kaminari's arrow was a constant reminder of Shouto's personal failings. It was an infected wound slowing him down. He needed to treat the contamination to be strong again. To be whole again..

Yet, even as he thought this, doubt lingered in the back of Shouto's mind...

'The best way to win any fight is by having something to fight for. We all need something to protect, Todoroki. I have my men. They'll get me through this, but who do you have?'

Shouto frowned. Emi Fukukado's words, from the night before the stymphalian attack, tugged at the corner of his thoughts.

For a long time, it was Midoriya and Bakugou and all of Sparta that he had fought for.

But now... Now he had Yaoyorozu. And fighting for her was so different. Her safety was always at the forefront of Shouto's mind. It was more than just a desire to see her safe. It was a deep-rooted need, something so ingrained in him that he often acted before he even fully knew what he was doing.

Shouto curled his fingers into a fist. He could remember vividly the incredible power that had flowed through him when Yaoyorozou was in trouble during the stymphalian attack. The inhuman strength that had washed over him and allowed him to crack the beast's neck with his bare hands... The feeling had been overwhelming. And the relief he felt upon seeing Yaoyorozu alive...

He took a steadying breath as his heart raced from the reverie.

Still, protecting Momo wasn't easy, and Shouto doubted he could command the immense power he wielded during the stamphalian attack again. The fear of failure and the prospect of harm befalling Momo weighed on Shouto like an albatross, growing heavier with each close call. Intimacy was an insufferable double-edged sword.

"Todo-man, you okay there?"

Shouto jerked his gaze back towards Tetsu-Tetsu. He blinked, dropping his hand back into the water. Shouto hadn't realized he had been lost in thought. "Sorry."

Tetsu-Tetsu stared at him for a moment. Then he sighed and shook his head. "I don't know what's going on. It feels like there is something you don't want to say, which is fine. I won't pry." Tetsu-Tetsu paused and licked his lips uncertainly before saying, "But, I think you should at least talk it out with Yaoyorozu. Even if you don't wanna tell her what's eating you up, at least don't lead her on. It ain't like you are alone here. And, perhaps, talking it out with her will help you both decide what to do next."

Tetsu-Tetsu looked like he wanted to say more. However, before he could continue, Kendo's voice called from the other side of the partition: "We're done over here! Feel free to come out."

"Don't take too long! I'm hungry!" Ashido yelled after.

"Okay, okay!" Tetsu-Tetsu shouted back. He paused before turning back towards Shouto. "Anyways, if you want to talk more, I'm here for you, man. We're bros after all!" He smiled brightly, then pivoted back towards the edge of the hot springs, making his way out of the water as fast as if he were a dog finally called by its master.

Shouto watched Tetsu-Tetsu all but sprint to his clothes before drawing in a deep breath and following after him at a slower pace. The back of his head ached. It wasn't in Shouto's nature to let his thoughts linger on situations he couldn't control. However, if there was one thing Tetsu-Tetsu had been right about, it was that Shouto had to figure out what to do and soon — before Kaminari arrived.

Which meant Shouto needed to speak to Yaoyorozu.