Before The Sky & The Sea (Completed)

chapter twenty-seven

ZAHRA

It's been a week. A week since Ian left and I can't help but shake the uneasiness from my chest, but it's not for me. I don't feel unsafe, Leo checks up on me every few hours a day. I thought it would be a nuisance but somehow, it felt comforting especially when my anxiety can't seem to stop skyrocketing. Ian hasn't texted me at all, nor have I texted him. I just thought he was busy. But, I needed to shake this worry somehow.

"Hey, Leo?" I voice, we're currently sitting at a coffee shop nearby my office. I can't seem to focus on work either. Turns out worrying for someone is far more draining that you would think it is. Leo hums a hmm in response.

"Has Ian texted you at all since he left?" I asked. Leo shakes his head, strangely calm. "He doesn't text when he's on a job, usually. Though, it's weird that he didn't ask me to come with," Leo ponders.. "But, he has a wife now. He's worried for you." he rambles to himself. "It's cute. I have never seen Ian care or worry for anyone other than his mother, or me."

My heart strangely flutters at the idea. I wish he would worry for himself too. I wish he would care about himself too. Because somehow knowing that he doesn't is what's killing me right now. "He's okay, Zahra. He knows how to take care of himself well. Really, I promise. Ever since we were young, he would get into crazy trouble yet he somehow always made it out unscathed. Me?" he scoffs, and I assume he is remembering an old memory, "I would always try to avoid trouble. Which you might not believe I know, but I swear at the start I did yet somehow I always ended up more bruised up than him," Leo laughs.

"Crazy right? But for every one bruise I got, my big brother gave the person 20 more," Leo says, fondly. Somehow, Leo referring to Ian as big brother makes Ian sound so cute and my heart clenches in the best way thinking of young Ian feeling protective and having the urge to do everything he could to protecy his little brother. I smile to myself when I remember the lighter version of Ian.

"I wish he was cute all the time," I said, mindlessly, not really intending to have said it out loud. Leo tilts his head, a little confused before (I think) he understands what I said, "Ian carries alot of baggage. Heavier than mine. His problem is he likes carrying it all alone, even willingly carrying others'. Which is stupid. Nobody willingly clings on to things that weighs you down."

Except Ian.

Leo sighs, "He's lighter since he met you though. I don't think he passed any baggage onto you. At least I hope he didn't..." Leo teases, joking and I laugh at the statement too, shaking my head just as a sign to reassure him that Ian was definitely not doing that.

"I think he learnt that with baggage the options aren't just carrying them forever or, passing it to someone else. I think he's slowly learning he can let them go completely," Leo explains, he has so much love in his eyes for Ian that I can't help but feel so much warmth everytime a memory, or a thought he has of Ian gets spoken into existence.

Our conversation gets interrupted by a call. Leo who was smiling, his expression suddenly drops and he turns pale. I see him trying to mask his worry but his hands are shaking. My anxiety spikes tenfold and I'm repeating to him "Leo, what happened?" like a mantra I can't stop speaking. Leo hangs up, eventually. Takes a deep breathe, tries to mask his expression with a smile but I see his glassy eyes. I see his shaky hands. Something bad happened. "Zahra, breathe." was the first thing he said.

"Something happened. Ian was.. He was shot on his way home.. It's pretty bad, he's unconscious but he's at the hospital. Let's go there okay?" I see Leo blink once before I see him slowly trying to collect himself, "I told you he always comes back unscathed right? He's going to be okay Zahra, this happens...." Leo keeps speaking but all I see is his mouth moving, yet I can't comprehend a single word that leaves his mouth. I can't seem to hear them anymore. Suddenly it hits me. A huge wave of of guilt floods my chest as I realise it's all my fault.

I feel like someone just dropped a weight on my chest. I'm suffocating all of a sudden. He is in the UK because of me. He married me.. for me. He, everything he's doing.. is because of me. Suddenly I can't breathe. Suddenly the anxiety piling on of no responses from Ian is clouding my head. Suddenly it's all I can think about, that it's all me me me me me. It is my fault if anything happens to Ian. If Ian never comes back, if Leo loses his big brother, if.. nothing feels right. I can't seem to breathe, I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest. I feel like I'm about to pass out. The last thing I remember is someone calling my name, and grabbing my arm before my head hits the floor.