Before The Sky & The Sea (Completed)

chapter twenty one

Zahra

I shouldn't compliment him too much. But Ian is dressed nice. Beautiful even. I didn't think he would considering.. he wasn't actually planning on being my husband for long so why would he care if his "mother in-law" likes him?

Yet here we are, we're seating at my place. He's wearing a casual white button up with black pants. He's helped my mother serve drinks. He's talking and joking with my mother.

"How long have you known her?" my mother casually asks. She was taken aback, because I never spokenof marriage around her. Of course, I hoped too get married someday but I was so focused on my company that I always brushed the idea off. When I initially told her of my plans to get married, she was taken aback but it quickly turned into excitement when I said Ian wanted to meet her immediately.

"A couple months now, Ma'am," he smiles, my mom told him to call her 'Mama' but I think it rolls off his tongue weird. "We never dated or anything like that," he reassures, "We work together. I reached out to her because I wanted to work with her company, and we got to know each other naturally as business partners and, I really like Zahra, ma'am. I didn't think I could like someone so much.. The idea of marriage wasn't always appealing to me but when I imagined Zahra being the one I would spend the rest of my life with, it became the only dream I could ever dream about."

My mom beams at the words that sounded so sincere. Ian was a really good actor.

"That makes me happy.. You look like you can take care of her well," my mom says.

"I promise, InshaAllah, I will try my best. I like your daughter alot, which is why I want to be transparent with you. I want you to like me so I think it's good if you know the truth. I don't know how much Zahra has topd you," I bit my lips. Ian never discussed this with me. What is he thinking? Is he going to tell her his side job?

"I'm a revert, ma'am. I wasn't born a Muslim and before you assume anything, I didn't revert for Zahra, either. I learnt about Islam on my own, went to mosques and I still.. have alot to learn. I want to be a good husband to her and I promise I will continue to learn. But I'm sincere about Islam, and I promise I am sincere about Zahra."

I'm silent. I didn't tell my mother that part.. because I assumed Ian wouldn't want her to know. I stare at my mother, nervous for her reaction.

The silence went on for a couple of seconds but in my head, it had felt like eternity before my mother's voice finally fills the room again. "Alhamdullilah. I am glad you found your way to Islam. I have no doubt you will be a good husband, and Muslim. May Allah ease your journey," she says simply and seeing Ian's wide smile made me break into a smile of my own.

We converse for a couple more hours. Ian seemed so natural, I almost felt as though everything was real. Like for a moment, I forgot this was a marriage of convenience.

When the meeting concludes, we bid my mom farewell. "I'm happy seeing you happy, my daughter. I'm happy this is the man you're marrying," she says out loud to both me and Ian, "The wedding.. feels rushed and I wish you would want a big ceremony but, I understand." She embraces me and plants a kiss to the side of my cheeks, "Take care of yourself well and I'll see you on Friday."

I nod and Ian waves politely at my mother. We're in the car driving to my apartment when I finally say something, "You're a really good actor. If I didn't know your intentions, I would be convinced that you really did like me enough to want to marry me."

Ian has avoided my gaze ever since we got into the car and despite my eyes piercing into him as I speak, he shows no emotions and his eyes remain on the road, "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Well, I guess we be husband and wife on Saturday."

"Yep."

"That's really soon."

"I know."

"How can you speak so nonchalantly?" I huffed, pulling my gaze away from him, "If we're going to be husband and wife, you could at least give me more than short answers when we converse, you know? You can't even look at me. We don't know how long this will last and even though of course I know this is a fake marriage, I don't want to be awkward with my husband."

Ian finally takes a quick glance at me and sighs, "Zahra.. all you've reminded me about for the past days since we agreed to this was to remember this is a fake marriage. That you don't actually want to marry me and if this wasn't the situation then you wouldn't even marry me. You've made it clear you think I was a terrible person. So I'm sorry, okay?"

I regret saying that because it wasn't true. I was angry and I assumed the worst of him, which I shouldn't have, especially knowing that those words were exactly what would hurt him.. Which was why I said it.

"Look Ia-" he cuts me off, "No, Zahra, you don't understand. If we get married and I converse with you like we used to, and we act like we used to, I'm afraid."

I don't understand his words, I stare blankly at him. "Afraid of what?"

We're parked outside my apartment now. "I'm afraid that I'll fall in love with you. Like genuinely fall in love with you, and that terrifies me. You don't deserve my love. You deserve a love better than I am, so please. Don't do that to me. Don't make me fall in love with you when you know you can't.. and you shouldn't love me back."

I stare at him. I can't seam to tear my eyes away from him. Ian said all that with such a somber tone in his voice but his face is unreadable. If I didn't hear the sorrow in his voice, I would assume he was emotionless. I want to say something, say that it's not true that I he is good enough, that I can fall in love with him, that there's nothing that says I shouldn't but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not sure that's entirely the truth so I nod.

"Okay. I understand, I'll see you Saturday," I say, getting out of the car and as I hear the sound of his car leaving I know I made a mistake, I know I should take it all back. But I didn't.

And before I knew it, it was Friday, and I was with my mom prepping my henna and getting my dress ready. Even though it was just a Nikah ceremony at the mosque, my mom insisted I had to at least get my henna done so I did.

I haven't stopped thinking about Ian's words. Haven't stopped thinking of my own, and can't help but feel stupid at the fact that while he was trying to stop himself for falling for me, I had already fallen so deeply for him.