Before The Sky & The Sea (Completed)

chapter nineteen

ZAHRA

He's insane. He has to be. We've known each other for maybe 4 months now. I liked him, I cared about him and I trusted him but right now, I'm questioning everything about him. Every single thing.

"Marry me." he said. Not like a question, or a joke. But a statement, like I had no choice in the matter. When I laughed, Ian stares at me, trying to indicate how serious he actually was and that was when I was sure this man had lost his mind.

"No," I say almsot immediately.

"I'm not asking, Zar," he continues. He's been avoiding me for a month, only talking to me when it was about business. Our project was going great, the marketing campaign was going to launch soon and I used to be.. sad? That I wasn't going to see him as often anymore but he kept avoiding me.

We didn't hung out all the time before this or anything but he would ask me to grab food with him sometime but ever since a month ago, nothing. Now, he wants me to marry him? Does he think marriage is a joke? Does he think I'm a joke?

"The hell am I? An object? What do you think marriage is? You're an asshole," I blurt out before I could stop myself, "We know each other what? 3 months? Why would I marry you?" I say a little too harshly but I was fuming. There are very little moments in my life where someone has managed to piss me off this much but Ian has somehow managed to do it twice.

"Did I say any of that? No, I didn't. You're the one who said it, all I said was to marry me," and there it was. The same cocky, arrogant, entitled man from our first meeting. The same man who thought he could make everyone bow at his feet, comply to all his requests. It took 4 months for me to change my perception of him, for me to actually... like him.

I was kidding myself. I thought he could change. I thought he did change. All that sweet words, the caring moments.. Even him saying he was learning about Islam.. Was all that his plan from the start? To manipulate me? Get me to trust him? Then do.. this?

"You're right, you know?" I say, standing up and picking my coat from the chair of the café we were currently at, "When you said you're a terrible person? You were right," I spat before I could stop myself.

I've never been one to pour salt on one's wound but.. he manipulated me. He lied. I trusted him. And he turned out to be the same as every man I've ever mer in my life, and I was angry. I was so angry but more than that, I was hurt & I felt like a complete idiot.

I quickly pulled out my phone to click on Wes's contact. When Wes arrived, I was a little bit of a mess. He tried to get me to talk but I didn't.. I didn't want him to think of Ian of a terrible person. Because all I can think about while in the car is he's not. He's not. I'm trying so hard to convince myself he's not.

Wes drops me off at my apartment and I just lay there. In bed, at a loss for word. Why would he.. do all this?

Suddenly, a notification comes from my phone.

Ping!

(1) New Message
Ian Sanchez

I took my shahada if that's what you're worried about.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to process the idiotic message I just got. That's what he says? That's why he thinks I don't want to marry him? Is he dense, ignorant or?

Zahra: That's why you think I don't want to marry you? I told you, you're a horrible person. You said it yourself and I should've believed you. I already know what it feels like to have a horrid man as a father, I'll be damned if I allowed one to be my husband, too.

I sent before I could think it through and start to feel bad for my words. But there's just something that.. bothers me about all this. About my theory. Why would he act like this if he wants me to marry him? If its true that he's put up a sweet act all this while, then why would he suddenly switch it off when he wants me to marry him? That.. doesn't make sense.

Ian Sanchez: Ms Zahra Aishah, if you don't marry me.. it'll be worse for you.

Is that? A threat? Did he actually just threaten me?

Zahra Aishah: Was that a threat? Are you kidding me?

Zahra Aishah: You know what, whatever. Don't ever speak to me again

*block*

I wasn't going to indulge in whatever that was. All I know now is, I despise him. I seeked comfort in him.. I told him about Zane, about my father. And this is what he does to me?

I sighed in frustration. I quickly got up, took my ablution and prayed before I went to bed.

Dear God, please keep me safe and keep me away from things that aren't good for me.