Manoban Lalisa didn't plan for her life to be on the run with a newly born to protect and raise, but the situation she's in doesn't give her any other option. Running from Thailand to South Korea, Lisa struggles to find a place where to stay as she...
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I was very disappointed with myself. I thought that I had made some progress in getting over my traumas, or at least being able to live with them, but apparently I made no progress at all.
In the end, once we were naked and in bed with the movie on, I ended up freaking out, so the only thing we did was naked cuddles with Jisoo only touching a little my breast with her hands, to which I've also freaked out a little, but told her to go on.
I really thought I was ready to at least let Jisoo touch me wherever she wanted, I really thought I was. But my brain obviously had other plans. Although Jisoo kept telling me that it was okay, that healing took time and that I didn't need to feel bad about "refusing", I couldn't accept that. I had failed. I didn't make any progress and my traumas still controlled my life. I just wanted to be normal.
«Lisa, don't cry, it's okay beautiful, it's okay. You can't help how you react to such things. It's not your fault.» Jisoo comforted me as she hugged me close to her soft breast as I snuggled into it sniffing «I thought I was ready... I thought I could do this... Why? Why can't I? I want you to touch me.... I really do...» Jisoo kissed the top of my head «Don't be sad, you'll be able to obtain what you want. It's a long, long, hard way the road of recovery.» I said annoyed crying out «But I want you to touch me! I want to be close to you!» Jisoo chuckled «Honey, I don't think we can be closer than this. But I get what you mean, but sex or anything sexual for the matter, isn't important to that. You can still feel that closeness you talk about in other ways.» I shook my head «No! No! You don't understand!! I need this! I need this so much! Just touch me please!» Jisoo sighed «Lisa, if I "force" myself on you even with your verbal consent, you would just freak out and we might make more damage than good.» «Please! The room is soundproof! Even if I yell no one will hear!» I begged her «I said no Lisa. You're not in the right mind!» I suddenly grabbed her wrist and placed it on my sex, as I immediately felt my panic and anxiety rise «JUST TOUCH ME ALREADY! I'M BEGGING YOU! I DON'T WANT SEUNGYOON TO CONTROL MY LIFE ANYMORE! MAKE ME FORGET! MAKE ME FORGET THE FEAR OF IT! MAKE ME FORGET HIM! PLEASE!» I looked up in her eyes, my tears streaming down as I pushed my sex against her hand «Please...»
I could see the fight in Jisoo's eyes, she obviously wanted to give me what I was asking, but she didn't want to hurt me.
«Unnie... Please...» I started rubbing my sex on her hand who was now cupping it, as my body shook in fear and a little excitement. The memories of the people who raped me in the past coming like a tsunami.
Jisoo closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then she suddenly moved on top of me making me freak out «Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you.» I shakily nodded moving my hands to my side to take hold of the sheets «Just... I don't want him to still have power over me...» «He can't. If you don't allow him, he can't have power over you. Having sex with me won't show that. You don't need to have anything sexual to take his power away. You're already strong on your own, he can't control you anymore. You've grown, you ran, you survived. He doesn't have any power over you. Not anymore.» I bit my trembling lower lip «Unnie... Can we have s-sex? Not j-just touching?» Jisoo frowned «Lalisa, I'm serious, we could make more damage than good.» I looked her in the eyes «Please... Stop making me beg for something that I know I'm not ready but I really want to. Please...» Jisoo's eyes closed as she took in a deep breath, as she exhaled she opened them again and said «I won't have sex with you. But, I will touch you. We will have the cuddles we planned, one step at a time. First you'll get used to having someone, me, touch you, then eventually when you'll be ready, we can have sex. Anytime you want. We can fuck all over the house, the garden, my office, in public, with a public or not, whatever you wish. But let's go slowly.» I deeply blushed and looked aside then asked «Can you at least... Uhm... Touch me down there? Like you know... Rub me there.... And perhaps, uhm, m-making me cum? You don't have to penetrate me...» Jisoo chuckled «I still consider that sex. But sure, we can do that. After you get used to having the rest of your body touched and kissed. Oh and Lalisa, I like to make it clear to people what's my territory.» I looked at her confused «I will give you hickeys. As many as I wish.» I blushed harder «S-Sure... Go on...»
There was a moment of silence, the only sound being the movie in the background and my shaky breathes as I tried to stay calm and relax my body.
Suddenly Jisoo lowered her head down to my neck, slowly starting to place soft kisses, she then even more slowly started to move down till she reached my collarbones, my body was so tensed and hard, I was trying not to freak out, I had to remember myself that I was in control, and that if I wanted to stop, Jisoo wouldn't force me. Once her lips reached my collarbone and she started to suck, kiss and gently bite, one of her hands moved to my breast, fondling it as gently as she could, as if she was afraid I'd break, she kept glancing up at me to check how I was. It was so sweet. It made me smile and relax a little.
She was so gentle yet passionate, although she was just kissing and fondling me. She lowered herself on top of me, pinning me down with her body as I made a small scream of fear, making her say «It's okay Lisa. It's just me. I won't do anything you don't want. You're in control. You make the rules.»
I was breathing rapidly and shaking pretty badly, a little for the pleasure but mainly in fear. I knew I didn't need to be scared. I knew Jisoo wouldn't have hurt me. Not on purpose at least. I knew Jisoo was safe. I knew I was okay. I knew I wasn't going to be passed around like some toy for people pleasure. I knew she didn't mean no harm. I knew I had given her consent and begged for her. But my brain and body just couldn't deal with it. All they could remember were the abuses they received, the worthless toy I had become. Although it had been years, every memory and feeling was there. As if it only happened the day before.
«J-Jisoo.... I-I'm so scared... Make them stop... I don't wanna remember...» I cried out as the hand that wasn't on my breast moved all over my body, gently caressing it.
Jisoo moved her mouth away from my skin «It's okay Lisa, it's okay. No one will ever hurt you again. I will do my best to make you forget. Take slow, deep breaths Lisa. You're not in that terrible situation anymore. You're safe here. You are not alone. And remember that I'll stop as soon as you say it. And I won't be mad if you ask me. I won't punish you. I won't hurt you. I will just hold you tight to me.» I gulped and tried to fight my demons, as I kept telling myself like a mantra.
I'm safe. I'm in control. Jisoo won't get mad. She will stop. I'm okay. I can do this. Seungyoon can't control me anymore. Nobody can. I'm okay. I'm okay...
«T-Touch me down there Jisoo... Please...» I told her as I was feeling very horny in between all my internal fights and my fears «I-I can do this. I can...» Jisoo's hand that was roaming my body stopped on my knee, as she slowly moved it up and inside, slowly moving where I wanted her. I forced my legs to open although my body kept telling me to protect myself, Jisoo's hand finally cupped my sex gently as I started crying, quickly starting to sob and shake.
Not only fear was eating me alive, but the thoughts that I was dirty down there, that way too many people did stuff to me there, I felt so dirty and humiliated. I felt so disgusting and impossible to be desired.
«I'm s-sorry I'm dirty... I'm sorry...» I apologized passing my hand on my eyes to dry the escaping tears «I'm so sorry! Please! Don't hate me! Don't be disgusted please! Please! I like you! I really do! Don't hate me!»
Jisoo went back on the bed beside me, as she gently rolled me on top of her, as she wrapped one arm around my back, rubbing it, while her free hand went in my hair, gently passing her fingers through it.
«It's okay. I don't hate you. I'm not disgusted by you. And you have nothing, and I mean it, nothing to be sorry about. I really like you too and I don't think I could dislike you. Ever. You did so great Lisa. You're doing so great. Take it slow, I'm going to be with you all the way. It's okay. You're okay. We are okay.» Jisoo said in such a caring way that I cried even harder.
This type of affections, of doings, felt so foreign. And although they scared me a little, they felt so.... Good.
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Hello! Hello! New chapter here with a tiny bit of spice :3 Aaaah I want a Jisoo all for myself too! She's so caring :3
Talking about Jisoo, I hope she'll get well soon! My baby had COVID, I hope it won't be to harsh on her TT
