I See Terrible Things

I'm not as tough as I should be

I woke up in the hospital and seeing the sunlight peering thru the window and knowing what today was made it worse. The nurse came in after I was done in the bathroom.

Nurse: You ready?

Amanda: I am, is Lzzy here?

Nurse: Not yet, I haven't seen her come up with Joe this morning.

Amanda: Okay, we can get started

They wheel her to the operating room and have the procedure and then, I'm still asleep when they wheel me back in my room.

Lzzy wakes up and she tries to hide from Joe what happened the night before with the drinking on the deck to hide it from him. She eats breakfast and gets a call from the hospital because I wanted her thier and I had the abortion.

Joe drives and they both sit waiting for me to arrive back from the room. But, before I was rolled back, Joe shows a picture of the wine bottle that was left outside the night before and it had rain water in it from the rain.

Joe: Hey, do u know how this got outside or why it was left outside?

Lzzy: Don't look at me, Idk how that got outside, you know I went to bed after you did, last night.

Joe: Tell me Lzzy, I said to you specifically that you have your voice, need to take care of it and no wine passed a certain time.

Lzzy: Wasn't me, I promise. I put it away after you said I couldn't have any.

They stopped when I got wheeled back into the room after the abortion to rest and be monitored.

Joe catches the nurse's sleeve and whispers something to her looking at Lzzy. The nurse grabs Lzzy hand and takes her to the bathroom.

Trigger Warning

Lzzy: What I'm I doing in here? Is Amanda all right?

Nurse stops Lzzy: Your in here because want to do a pee test on you because Joe told me that you've been drinking and having an addiction towards it.

Lzzy: It was a few drinks but, it was nothing. It was nothing that anyone should worry about.

Nurse: Your bf sees it differently when he saw the empty wine glasses outside last night on the deck table.

The nurse takes the sample from Lzzy and she is left in the bathroom to cry. Then a teen girl comes in and Lzzy sees the cuts on my wrist a lot. The girl sees Lzzy crying and hugs her then sits with her in the bathroom.

Taylor: Hey, what's wrong? Maybe I can help?

Lzzy: No one can, no one knows what I'm going thru right now. Not even you.

The girl smells Lzzy's breathe from the night before and winces,

Taylor: I know more than you know. I know one thing that you're addiction doesn't define or control you. You are your own person. You can control your urge to drink, i know you can.

Lzzy lifts up my sleeve to show me my cuts

Lzzy: Follow your own advice and these will go away.

A nurse comes into the bathroom

Nurse: Lzzy who are you talking to? Come on we got a bed set up in your daughter's room.

The nurse wheels a bed up in the same room as her daughter. But, Lzzy still sees the girl and she cuddles in as water is going into her system with an iv to have her go away.

Lzzy and her daughter eat dinner and get ready for bed but, Lzzy sees a guitar by the door from Joe. She picks it up and sings halestorm songs and other songs to her daughter who is curled up in bed and smiling but letting tears out too. Lzzy put the guitar down and she lets her daughter curl up with her so they both feel safe as they doze off to sleep.

Taylor in the book is Taylor Momsen from The Pretty Reckless.

Did this because they are friends in real life so it made sense.