do or die | yang jungwon

stage 15: all of us are dead

FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, NARI FELT LIKE THE UNIVERSE WAS JUST HANDING OUT 'FUCK YOU'S' LEFT AND RIGHT. if she said that she thought she could survive in a zombie apocalypse, the very next day, there would be a zombie apocalypse. if she thought that they might get some rest, a new wave of zombies would come towards them. if she thought that the government might not save the school, they fucking nuked the school. 

nari wanted to scream but she literally couldn't do that because if she did, she would make her and her friends die by the hands of killer zombies and...half-bies. fuck this. fuck life. fuck the universe.

nari was feeling more than a little unhinged. she kinda felt like that one song she remembered hearing when that one american kid kept playing rap music on a boombox in the middle of itaewon. the devil is a lie. the devil is a lie. the devil is a fucking lie. yeah. the devil was a lie. she knew that the devil was a lie because if he was real, he'd feel bad for the kids that the people of this world were torturing.

he'd take them just to prove a point to god about how seriously messed up this situation was.

either way, nari didn't care. she was tired. she didn't know how people in movies stayed calm and collected throughout the entire movie. they would be struggling for weeks and months before they gave into their tiredness and eventually, the villain of the movie would get them. but the main characters in a movie didn't have to take care of everyone else. they didn't feel the pressure of being responsible for the lives of those around them. they were selfish. they just lived to just survive. they didn't care about who lived or died around them.

and as much as nari wanted to lose her mind, she couldn't. she physically, mentally, and emotionally could not afford it right now. there was just too much that depended on it. so she composes herself and turns to yoonah, who's already looking at her.

"you were right. now what?" yoonah asks. her voice is carefully wiped of emotion, which is more than enough to make nari want to absolutely break. she pulls yoonah into a hug that surprises both yoonah and herself. she doesn't know what compels her to do it but she does it anyway and it feels good. she feels herself melt into yoonah and she feels yoonah tense up before slowly, the taller girl wraps her arms gingerly around nari. 

"i didn't want to be right. i never want to be right. i want to be safe. safe and happy," nari whispers and yoonah feels her sink at how defeated her friend sounds. but nari pulls away slowly and once again, yoonah can see the gears turning in her mind as she could practically feel the way nari's brain was trying to simulate every single possible option they had right now.

she turns suddenly to hyewon, who's clutching daniel protectively to her chest. "can you run?" 

hyewon pauses for a moment before shaking her head. "realistically, even if i wanted to run, i really don't think i could make it very far...i don't think..."

she trails off but nari knows what she's going to say. hiyyih clearly is on the same wavelength as her best friend because she puts her hands on hyewon's shoulders and shakes her, her eyes blazing with anger.

"don't even fucking thing about it," hiyyih hisses and even through the anger in her voice, nari can hear the pain in hiyyih's voice and she hates it. she hates all of it. she feels the creeping nihilism start to take root in her mind but she ignores it, trying to survey dani. it was clear that dani had no clue what hyewon was insinuating but from the way her eyes dart between daniel, hiyyih, and then back to hyewon, nari could tell that dani was slowly starting to piece it together.

"no. no. no. i don't care - you - you have to survive this, hyewon. for daniel. for - for me! i already lost one best friend. i can't lose you too," dani whispers brokenly. hyewon just looks at her with sad eyes, her big brown eyes welling up and dani can't even face her, ducking her face into riki's chest, who's strong arms pull her into him protectively.