vent book

I can't anymore

i can't do this anymore my dad told me that I can't ride in the car with my mom anymore and now I don't know what to do, I just wanna kill myself but then I won't be with my mom. I hate him i hate him I hate him I HATE HIM I FUCKING HATE HIM. now I can't feel safe because of him please take him away I can't do this anymore. he is a danger to my mental health, my siblings mental health and my mom's mental health. I've wanted to kill myself since I was seven years old because of him but when he was in jail I was happy and I didn't feel like I was in danger. my dad has custody over me and my brother but not my little sister my mom has custody over her, and my mom is the one who takes care of us. one time when my mom went to Alabama (because she lives there and she visits us in Georgia a lot) my dad messes with all of our cars so that my mom would wreak and I don't think he cares if me and my siblings get into a car wreak, we did once get into a car wreak but nobody got really hurt I just hit the bridge of my nose  and my brother had a bruise on his neck from the seatbelt, and my little sister was fine. but when my mom went to Alabama the car broke down and she had been trying to fix it but it was about a week and me and my siblings were starving and me and my brother had to make my little sister something to eat we didn't have a lot so I didn't eat a lot so that there would be a little more food for my sister but my brother didn't eat the same stuff as me and my sister did. my dad tells people that he takes care of me and my siblings but he doesn't my mom takes care of me and my siblings, my mom actually loves us but my dad gets jealous of me and my siblings because we are kids and we need attention. i just don't want to feel miserable and afraid anymore, I'm begging you please take him away I can't do this anymore.