One of Many Firsts

Chapter 4: Integrity

"I am so dead!" a primal scream echoed through the depths of my soul. My mind was in a such great disarray and confusion that it felt like a hundred headless chickens were running amok, turning my thoughts into a chaotic chicken slaughterhouse. Though on the exterior, my face betrayed nothing, as if everything was a calm; serene and tranquil. I was that very swan whose webbed feet were paddling desperately underwater where no one would notice a single thing, yet swimming on the outside, looking ever so graceful.

I wondered if Georgina would be proud of me.

I continued staring at my paper hoping for a miracle to occur. My eyebrows knitted and almost formed their own knots. I could feel the sweat gathering on my forehead and even the air conditioner blasting at me at a setting of 18 degrees Celsius did little to cool me down. But I did not need to cool down, I just needed to calm down. I closed the booklet as my eyes followed suit, allowing myself to have a moment to take it all in. I needed to face my biggest crisis head-on. At least, just one of my many biggest crises.

I am unable to ace all the questions for my test.

"That's another proud first I get to have," I thought bitterly to myself as I let out a heavy sigh and opened my eyes. Upon opening my eyes, I caught sight of something that I wished did not exist - the scum who caused me to be in this sorry state. That manipulative fox named Elias looked to be doing well, deep in thought and seemingly unfazed by the difficulty of the questions. Worse still, it did not help that everyone around was writing intensely, hands continuously moving.

"That creep was the reason why I'm in this sorry state in the first place," I cussed under my breath, while staring hard at him. After his 'generous' deal, I worked alone to complete our Social Studies project which was about the Greek civilisations that was going to take place later that day. The late nights I had spent to do up the presentation slides till they were perfect coupled with the presentation rehearsals I had to do were the main cause of my current predicament. Though it was my own doing, I would still rather blame Elias for it.

I leaned backwards and looked up at the ceiling before having my eyes trail to the clock. It had been ten minutes since I was stuck. I gazed at the closed booklet and buried my face into my hands. "This is bad. My mind's not at its best and I think I'm starting to blank out," I thought, feeling like my world was caving in.

I opened the booklet and looked at the question where I was stuck, trying to recall whatever that was taught in class. The mental exhaustion from the burning of many midnight oils was handicapping me sorely. I wondered what it would be like if I failed this test. That would be a first.

"Helen and Ivan had the same number of coins. Helen had..." I murmured under my breath, hoping that reading the question out might somehow help. Before long, my mind was in a whirl and the question looked completely Greek to me. "If only I had the brains of Pythagoras right now, then solving these problems would be a walk in the park," I frowned and stared at the question. "As if that would ever happen. It's not like I could download his infinite wisdom into my brain. If I could do that, it would be as good as cheating." I perked up and froze. The eyebrows arched upwards, as if attempting to escape the explosion beneath them as my eyes grew wider and wider, almost ready to pop out anytime.

Cheating.

The thought that had never crossed my mind before, the one thought that I frowned upon even more, appeared so tempting, so tantalisingly enticing.

"No!" I yelled a deafening cry that reverberated throughout my mind, trying to banish that thought by shaking my head vigorously. "I can't do that! I've never done that. T-that wouldn't be me!"

"There's always a first time for everything. Just like the many firsts already. This is just another one of many firsts," came the reply. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that the voice would go away but it was to no avail. "All you need is just a quick glance. With your – our – great intellect, we would be able to figure out the answers. Your reputation and grades are riding on it," the voice continued to reason very convincingly.