Hired (Forbidden Lovers: Rosie Anders)

17 - You Need to Sleep

By the end of the week, I'm still pissed off with Matthew and he knows it. I still give him a good show for the sake of the contract – that stupid, fucking contract – but other than that I avoid talking to him if I can. Of course, he has no idea why. Or at least claims he has no idea why. But it's fine. I shouldn't have expected him to change his tune through all of this. Just because I felt that moment was more intimate and meaningful than any other we've had, doesn't mean he does. And that's fine. He is free to not feel anything towards me.

But sooner or later I either have to tell him what's really been on my mind or act like I'm over it. The latter is probably the way to go for now. Especially now that at some point this evening, I have to go back to his so I can be there for his morning wake up call which is probably going to be the two days we actually have sex. I should be excited – I know my body is (traitor) – but my mind is not all that enthused at the moment. And while I don't have any obligation to stay with him during the day Saturday, it just seems a bit silly not to when I have to go back there in the evening anyway. My life is seriously fucked up. But then, only myself to blame.

Still, at least tonight I can hang with the girls. God knows, I need it. I can't get through this without them, even we do have our disagreements every now and then about his intentions.

"Give me one good reason you don't believe me." Kacey almost demands.

We are currently on the subject of Matthew, and I wish we could forget about him for a while. All my days are full of him enough already without talking about him too.

I look at Kacey and sigh. "Because if he really had any feelings for me, he would have told me on Tuesday when I asked him about our moment that morning." They both look at me with the same look. The look that says I am reading too much into this. "Look, I know what I felt, and I thought he felt it too, but clearly he didn't, so it is what it is."

"You do realise he is probably too scared to tell you the truth. Maybe he doesn't even realise himself yet how he feels." Kacey leans on the table. "I hate to say it, but he won't be giving you that promotion – it's clearly off the cards now."

"How do you figure that?" She has to be kidding, right?

"Because without the contract, he doesn't have you." She says matter-of-fact.

"What? That is crazy!" I lean back in my chair. "He doesn't care about my feelings. Once he's had enough, he'll chuck the promotion at me and forget this ever happened."

Chloe shakes her head and Kacey looks at me utterly bewildered.

"Now what?" I'm growing impatient with their cryptic analyses.

"I know you don't see it yet, but he wants you. More than he probably knows. I suspect he thinks if he ends the contract by giving you the promotion, you won't give him the time of day anymore."

I shake my head. "You don't know him like I do. He is not that guy."

Kacey sighs and holds her hands up in surrender. "Fine, believe what you will. But can I just ask you one more thing?"

I shrug in response, and she continues.

"If he walked through that door right now and told you he was falling in love with you, what would you say?"

I sit up then, my heart pounding. Not at the question; more at the fact that he did just walk in here and is heading for our table. Fuck! Is he here to tell me all that? Is he going profess his love for me, right now?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to hear it, but he is so nonchalant about relationships and always has been. I can't believe for a second that he could be feeling something serious about me. Not after all this time. Not after that day ten years ago.