Hazel Eyes - Part I (Tobias Forge Ghost NSFW)

The End

He laid on his side, his head in his hand.

"I want to tell you something." He had a serious look in his eyes.

"Ok."

He hesitated. Reached out, started to fiddle with a strand of my hair.

"Go on, spit it out."

"I am married."

I said nothing. I already knew, as Google was my best friend, but he didn't know I knew. I had been wondering if he would bring up the subject.

"And I have kids."

I stared up the ceiling, quiet. This I knew too. But to hear him state it, matter-of-factly... The last two days had been really intense and I admit, I was developing a crush on him. I felt a sucking sensation spreading in my chest, like a black hole expanding, empty and cold. I noticed a stain in the ceiling. It was grayish, round and dotted. I tried to focus. Was it mold growing? Such a nice hotel, and there's mold in the building? Who would've thought.

"Please say something", he pleaded.

To my surprise, I started to cry. What the fuck? I had understood from the start that this was not meant to last, so why was I reacting like this? "I'm sorry", I sobbed. " I'm just tired. I don't know why I'm crying. I feel so stupid." Angry with myself, I covered my face as I wept quietly.

"Hey. Hey. Please don't cover your face. Hey." He clumsily put his arm around me, unsure how to comfort . "I'm so sorry. I should've told you from the start."

I turned away from him.

"Please don't turn your back on me while we're talking."

I turned again, facing him, wiping my tears.

He looked unhappy. "This is hard for me too. But you and me, you know, it just can't happen. I mean..."

I interrupted him: "Of course it can't. Of course not. I'm not naive. It's just that these last days have been like a rollercoaster to me, emotionally."

He kissed my shoulder. "You know, I never planned for this to happen. I wasn't prepared either..."

I closed my eyes, placed my hands on my chest, tried to breathe with my chest and not my belly. An attempt to connect my turbulent state of mind to my physical body. As my breathing eventually slowed down, I felt more grounded. I gained strength to fondle Tobias arm, my fingertips outlining the shape of a bluish tattoo covering his pale skin. It was a picture of a devilish winged demon with mean looking features.

"Do you love your wife?"

His answer took a few seconds, which put me in a slightly better mood.

"I do. We've been together for a long time. I mean, it's not very intense anymore, but we're best friends. We have a good life."

"A good life."

"Yeah."

"You're saying you don't sleep together?"

"Well, maybe not that often..."

"Do you regret saying hi to me in the bar and this... all of this?"

Again, a long pause before he spoke.

"I don't regret anything, but I have this feeling... you and me... it could've worked. You know, another time, another place... I feel I am missing out on something I didn't even know of. And it makes me sad." His eyes welled up.

I sat up. Staring out the window, I contemplated the future that would never come. Somewhere I read that emotional pain activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain, thus, pain killers would help with a break up. I looked at Tobias. "Do you have any Tylenol?"

"Tylenol? No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Never mind."

I watched him wiping his eyes on the pillowcase. A sense of affection came over me. "Hey, you know what? This too shall pass. All things must pass."

"Yeah, I know." He gave me a short smile. "Sounds like a good album title."

"Yeah, doesn't it?" I smiled back.

"None of life's strings can last, so, I must be on my way, and face another day."

"Sounds like a good song lyric."

__________

Outside, the sky was grey. Dark clouds were building up on the horizon, and the sea gulls shrieked anxiously. A gigantic black tour bus rolled into the parking lot in front of the hotel entrance.

Tobias stood before me, looking miserable.

I put my arms around him, squeezed him, sniffed his neck. "I f you ever decide to commercialize your scent, please send me a bottle", I sobbed.

"I wish things were different." 

"So do I."

I helped put on his heavy backpack, then he turned his head and kissed me. It was a long, affectionate, sensuous kiss, but to me it had the most bitter aftertaste. It was the kiss of goodbye. 

He entered the bus and I watched it drive away, until it was only a small dot in the distance.

"We'll always have Tampa", I said to the dot.

Then, the rain came.