Love to hate me

Chapter 2

                         ENQUIRY

                         MITHALI

How can i forget you?

My eyes were looking for you like,

" I am a lost ship and you were an island with abundance and delusions"

I kept looking for you frequently but all I can see is my hopes turning to nothingness .

I hate myself how can I be so curious to have a look at someone I have seen only  once . I wished I would have shouted that , telling you
" damn you are pretty "

People around me had no idea how I was feeling… it was like

“ losing  home and never finding it again ”

Few weeks passed by . I have habit of going on a run when I am too happy  either I want to distract myself .

And I used to run till mithali’s home , just to have those mouthwatering dishes made by her mom.

Mithali was not a friend whom I have known since forever , ummm well I can describe her by a poem :

some might know you since lifetime
And still know nothing
And few might know you from few moments
And still owe you everything
It is a matter of effort that we put 
To unfold eachothers habits and lie.

Mithali was that friend I knew since few months but she knew me inside out .

She was a daydreamer not at all realistic . She used to get excited when things were about love

Although we both were poles apart  as our likeliness was concerned but what I liked about her is she can find positivity and hopes in the worst situation .

Back to our story
I runned to her home .
I so badly wanted to tell her that what storms you lil gurl is holding inside her .

but I waited until the food came , i ate the dosa aunty made for me .
Then I pulled her hand and we runned upstairs as mithali shouted
“ slow down , aahana”
" No I cant "

As we reached in her balcony. I freezed and she knew ,
I went through hell and heaven at the same time.

She took two steps forward  followed by a hold and with a breath she asked
who ?
when?
what ?
how ?

For a second , with all those breaths and steps she took , I expected her to ask something mature .

Aahana said “ mithali shut up ! Relax , wait listen to me”
Kabir is his name
“ come on , be fast , don’t beat around the bush” said mithali
The house exactly opposite to mine,  he lives there or  maybe used to …

“ what do you mean used to and what about him”

Umm I dunno , I tried looking for him but I couldn’t find him
“ but why were you looking for him?”
Mithali how can I describe him to you...

After I saw him

“ I want him to be the moon ,
And I myself want to become a star and i wanna keep surrounding him
Increasing his beauty ,
And when people see moon they will align stars along ”

 
It is like

“ If he would be the station ,
I would daily miss my train for him”

It is like

“ If he would be the blue moon ,
That appear once in a while ,
I will patiently wait, no I cannot wait”
He is a thing of beauty
That I captured in my eyes.
And I don’t have a delete button .

Mithali said “ I dunno what this guy did to you, but he turned you into poet …

Aahana braggingly said ofc , as megha rao said
“ when I will leave , I will make you write poetries ”

Although I hope he don’t leave so soon

Mithali could scan aahana 

“ She was praying to  god
Like a mother praying for
Her child who had premature birth and
Struggling for his last breath”

Well mithali could never understand my feelings , coz I wrapped all of them around kabir. It is not like he bear something that aahana haven’t seen ,

Kabir was the combination that was as rare as haley’s comet .

But that was not what made aahana so curious aahana have been so busy and off boys for a while .

She has a habit to suppress her needs , and what I mean by needs is , physical need . 

For the very long time when society made her think it is a sin . she learned It was no more a sin . Until last year aahana was this girl whom  u cannot call bold at all .

But somethings had change she learned

Her body is pure as ganges river
And her hands are meant to worship it .

Loving her own body is a form of self love ,

She used to tell herself

Why do you wanna hold onto the small things out there
When you got bigs things hanging inside you .

Yeah she was wild and no wonder why kabir made her hot .

She was untouched from last six months .

Kabir was that needle
Required for aahana to burst
And it wasn’t a smooth release
It was a breakout , she cannot handle .

If touching yourself is a sin ,
Than you must not celebrate your birthdays,

Love yourself a little more girls .
A gentle reminder .