Peter vs reality

4- "Whyyy"

Bucky appeared behind the crowd and moved forward. The swarm of people was a lot for me to handle that I just flopped down and put my head into my knees.
"Are you okay Peter?" I realise it's Bucky.
I just sit there overthinking this whole decision of coming here.
"Guys give him some space." Tony says as he comes toward us.
"Hey kid" he adds
I slowly get up and look around noticing everyone had left apart from Mr stark and Bucky.

"Come on we will show you your room" tony said calmly. He raised his arm to point in the direction. I duck down and wait for something to happen. "Pete, you good?" Bucky whispers next to me.
"I'm sorry" I say.
"Don't be" tony says before walking towards my room. Bucky nudges me a little bit without making me flinch and we walk down a long corridor to a large room with a king sized bed and a desk.

"Sorry Peter that it isn't much, please make yourself at home" Mr stark says before walking out.
I start unpacking when I realise Bucky was still here.
"Yes?" I ask.
"Sorry, do you need any help or anything to eat?" He asks.
"No that's okay. I had a big brunch" I say which was clearly a lie. I couldn't let Bucky know anything more then what he did. I wouldn't let him know I was starving myself.
"Okay then just let me know when you are hungry or need anything at all" Bucky adds then walks out to find Tony.

I close and lock the door and walk into the medium sized bathroom attached to my room. I unpacked all my stuff into cabinets and drawers when I pull out my small tin box. I open it and see millions of blades and razors waiting to be used.
'Do it' 'cut already' my mind starts talking and pushing me.

I put the container back after grabbing just one razor. I unlock my room and walk out to the common room. I start heading for the elevator. I enter it unnoticed and go down to the medbay where I grab some new gauzes and wound cleanser. I grab a hoodie from some of my old boxes and go back to the elevator.

This time I go all the way up to the roof. I slowly stop over the safety railing and sit down with my legs dangling over the edge. I lift my hoodie sleeves and remove the dirt wrapping. The scabs for the cuts stick to the last laying making them bleed again. Watching the blood made me want me so I pulled the razor out from my pocket and cut.
1 for leaving aunt May
2 for if she gets hurt
1 for making the avengers pity me
1 for not being dead.
1 for making Bucky want to help me
1 for staying at stark towers
I stop and start to clean it up when Steve opens the door and sees me.

"Peter? What are you doing?" He asks
I just sit there looking down.
" just come back to this side of the railing and we can talk" he tries to convince me. He holds down the small radio in his pocket and says "tony, Bucky, I am gonna need some help and now. I'm up at the roof"

"Peter, look at me" Steve says trying not to cry.
I finish cleaning and wrapping my wounds before standing up. By then Bucky and tony are in the roof looking at Steve then at me.

"Leave me Alone" I say loudly.
"We can't do that Pete" Bucky says.
"I knew you were hurting your self but why this bad, having to do it multiple times over the edge of a building isn't good" he adds.

"Wait you u knew" tony and Steve say confused.
"Why do you guys care so much, I'm a burden, a waste of your time" I try to add without crying. I take a step closer to the edge when Bucky starts moving toward me.
"Kid stop, please" tony says with tears in his eyes.
I take one more step back but in that moment Bucky runs at me and grabs my arm making me groan in agony. I step back over the safety rail and fall to the floor.
"I'm so sorry." I say before running inside with tears soaking my face.
"Bucky please go talk to him" Steve suggests before turning to tony and hugging him.
"Will do cap"

*minutes later*

I go into my room and sit on my bed. Bucky walks in without knocking and sits down too.

"Hey Pete, please tell me what is going on"
"I can't" I say before running a round the room packing my things.
"What? Where are you going?" Bucky adds concerned.
"Home"
"You can't, I have seen your stepfather and it isn't safe for you."
"You saw" I say before yelling at him to get out.

He leaves. My thoughts swarming me. How did he see? He is gonna tell everyone, you are gonna get killed, Matthew hates you, worthless. I finally fall asleep for a few hours before dinner.

*hours pass*

I wake up with blood stains on my hoodie. So I crawl out of bed check the time and go to my closest where I find another hoodie. I chuck it on. It's around 7:50pm. I go to the common room where everyone happens to be.
"Afternoon kid, what would you like to eat for dinner" Natasha says.
"Not hungry thanks though" I say before grabbing a cup of water.
"I haven't seen you eat for days now, just water"
"I have eaten just not when you have been around, don't worry" I add cautiously. I can tell Natasha is getting suspicious because she asks for Bucky and tony to talk with her privately. I go to my room and sit against a wall trying to remain calm.

Bucky comes in alone with some wound cleaning supplies. "Here I figured you could use a good cleaning" he suggested
"Yeah I guess I could" I reply hesitantly.
He lifts my hoodie sleeve and removes the wrapping. He looks at it for a few moments before finally cleaning it up and Rewrapping it.

"Come eat something please, Natasha is really worried"

"Fine" I say while getting up and following Bucky to the kitchen. He calls Natasha in and tell her to sit. I make myself a burrito and eat about half before excusing myself to the bathroom. I go in and make myself throw up everything I just ate.

I walk back out like nothing happened but I could see Bucky looking at me weirdly. I sta back down and finished the burrito.
"I'm done, now goodnight guys" I say trying to go back to the bathroom and throw up again.
"You sure that was only tiny" Natasha adds"

"Yep" I say before leaving. I throw up again and then start drinking a whole bottle of water before bed. Bucky comes in randomly and says "I know you didn't actually eat it"
"Yes I did, you watched" I say trying to lower suspicion.
"I know how it goes, you throw up afterwards then drunk a ton of water to remove any food left."
Surprisingly he knew exactly what I just did.
"How.?" I ask
"I have done it to, but you need to eat so I brought you this small ham sandwich to watch you eat, then I will stay with you for a couple hours to make sure you don't throw up again"
"No please" I say
"I will force feed you if I have to" Bucky says while getting mad.
"Fine"
He hands me the sandwich that I start picking at and eating. I drink lots of water at the same time so I don't absorb to much.

A/N
I don't know how to finish the story so I'm just gonna keep going for like 10-20 more chapters
1342 words!