I came to school as usual. But there was something sketchy about the mood of the walls. I was exhausted from my head throughout my bones.
I walked into the first class and slammed down my binder and books. It made a louder smack than I intended, making the class jump.
"You want to try that again?" Mrs. Miller asked. The class looked at me. I picked up my stuff and walked back out. I turned around and came back in, silently placing my stuff on the table. Mrs. Miller nodded, then we watched the announcements.
I looked around the room looking for Tommy. I had this class with him. He's never absent. I only saw Austin in the back getting money back from Trey.
"Tommy will not be coming back." Mrs. Miller announced to the class.
I wondered why. Last time I saw him was on Friday at the Skatepark. I wondered the whole class and classes after. Until finally it was lunch time.
Everyone was there sitting around the lunch table, besides Tommy. It didn't feel right. Derek threw a card across the cafeteria. Jasmine was perched on her chair eating a cookie. That was the only thing she ever ate. Michael and Austin had a quiet conversation. They didn't seem as energetic as normal.
"Does anyone know what happened to Tommy?" I asked quietly. Derek looked up from the table. They were all still quiet.
Then Derek said in his hard to understand voice, "You want to know what happened to Tommy?" I nodded and he continued. "We were on a walk, just me and him. His mom is mean, you know." He stopped talking. I patiently waited for him to finnish. His eyes looked at me when he continued, "He said he just needed to be alone. I stayed behind by the creek. He walked away on the railroad track. He likes to walk on them." He paused for a moment. Everyone at the table was looking at him. "His music was too loud, and a train was coming. I saw him from down by the water. He turned around, saw the train whistling, and didn't move." I looked at him in silents.
He looked around the room, trying to avoid eye contact. "I yelled for him to jump off into the water. But he didn't move. Now he's dead." I imagined what Derek was describing. Apparently I was the only one who didn't know about this.
My mind fluttered with chaos. Why would Tommy actually do that?! How was this possible? He's actually gone forever.
When I got home I ran to my room and shut the door so hard it vibrated the walls and the stack of dice fell. I sat at my desk and quickly started to write.
6-2-15
One of my friends is gone. Why couldn't Tommy have waited. He could have came here to my house instead. I wish I could go back to that Friday when I was there to help him. Maybe I could have done something. Why do people want to die? Why is dying so much better than living? Can't anyone explain why? If you look around at reality of people, they all want to die. There's no escape. It's like being trapped in a room and the walls come in closer and closer until you can't breathe any longer. When the walls are so close together you can't see anymore because it's so dark. There aren't any words to explain this. I guess I just don't know what to say anymore.
Scott
I heard a tap on the window. I turned my head to look and didn't see anything but the curtain. Tap, tap, tap. I went over and moved the curtain.
"Jasmine? What are you doing here." I said lifting the glass.
"I just wanna drop by." She said coming in without permission.
"My dad wouldn't like this." I said closing the window. "But he's not here right now."
"So, do you want to hang out?" She said sitting on my bed. I felt weird with a girl in my room.
"Yeah, sure. Let's go for a walk." I said. I remembered what my dad said before about going out when he's not home. I figured i'm old enough to make my own decisions, though.
We walked down town having frivolous conversations. Cars passed us by and we soon became bored.
"Hey do you want to race?" She said as she bent down to tie her clunky boots.
"Okay." I said as I dashed off down the sidewalk. It didn't take long for her to catch up.
We ran down past the church and through the park. I heard little kids swinging and yelling on top of the slide. We ran and ran until I needed to catch my breath. We took a break by the library. We sat against the building and rested.
"Hey look," She said pointing up at the graffiti. "I wonder what crazy people did that." She said smiling at it. I looked at the colors. They reminded me of that night. It also reminded me of Tommy. He wanted to be remembered, and it was his idea to do the graffiti. He did a good job of making himself be remembered.
When people die they get remembered; but not in a good way. When people die they have a funeral. Why would you go to a funeral just to see a person you care about, dead? Forever you'll remember the last time you saw them in that box with their eyes closed. Not knowing you are there. If you want to have a good memory of someone, don't go to a funeral. Remember them last as being alive.
