Mata..
Selalu kau pandang indah mata ini..
Walau ku lihat sedih matamu..
Walau kau tersenyum saat menatap ku..
Ku saksikan lelahnya dirimu menghadapi hidup..
Ku hanya ingin menjadi obat.
Tapi mampukah aku?
Ataukah hanya luka yang ku tinggal?
Ku tak ingin melukaimu
Hanya ku ingin miliki dirimu sepenuhnya..
Banyak hal yang kau coba sembunyikan dari diri
Banyak cerita yang kau pendam sendiri
Aku hanya ingin melihatmu melepas penat yang ada dalam diri..
Tapi apakah aku cukup untuk kau sandari?
Tau kah kau betapa buruk hati dan jiwaku ini?
Kau nampak sungguh mencintai
Ku takut tak bisa memiliki
Karena bedanya iman dalam diri
Sungguh ku tak ingin pergi karena ku tak mampu sendiri
Dan melihat mu pergi dengan orang yang tak tahu diri
Jaga jaga jaga
Itu pesan dalam hati
Tapi ku bertanya jaga dirimu dari apa?
Dari orang lain ? Dari masalahmu?
Ku tak sanggup mengerti maksud hatiku.
Kapan kah ku datang pada mu untuk bisa menjadi milikmu?
28 may 2022
I feel i love you so hard
I could not hold my hand
I could not hold anymore my love for you
Should i have you?
Or should i not?
Should i fight for your love?
My heart wanting to die again from every piece of hope of feeling i ever have for youu
It does not mean i dont want to love you.
But i am afraid our story will not be the end of the story.
Day by day goes by and i only felt this feeling become bigger than before.
Gods (symbolize duality)
Oh god where should i went?
Oh Lord where i should put my fight!
I am hungry for your words
I am in despair that is unbearable
Love is a grace you describe in all Your Books
But why this love felt so painful for us?
Why You have to torture us with love?
Is it the end of Your temptation?
This heart of human is not for playing ohhhhh My Dear God..
I fell so deep with her
But could i have her for the rest of my life while we bow to different Gods?
Could You hear us from Your throne every drop of sounds and tears that we have on us?
But i don't want to lose Your presence
Could i have her for You?
The forgotten pain.
The meeting was so painful
Togetherness brings another pain
Confusion never ends
Great pain come within
Three days until it begin
Should I come ?
Should I go
Should hold or should I let it dies ?
The same pain has been imprison this heart into nothingness
Killing every drop of hope
Very painful path I had
Path of sorrow that I enjoyed for last two years killing this undead heart…
Rainy Rose
Rainy days dark sky
I open this eyes but I see only dark..
Walking slowly day by day..
Emptiness feeling in my heart…
Cold morning dark day..
Heart burst out filled by hatred…
This pain cling on me..
Feeling unloved depressed and wanting to end it all
Killing my soul eternally..
But your presence illuminate every glimpse of past that kills me daily..
Loved
I have ugly past and my days have not come easy..
I really end every past life..
Erase every glimpse of memories or love I had..
Fall in love hope my soul to die.
killing my own happiness for my own past..
I have commit a dirty sin I could not cope with
My days has been a bad days
Full of guilt,anger, and envy..
Worrying about future and past
Did not enjoy present time
Too busy too prepare the future
And too hard to let every pain in the past goes..
But your presence ease every sharp edge of my own critics..
This demonic soul keep threatening me about my past..
But you remain me that I deserved to be loved.. thank you..
The unwritten fear
We walk happily day by day..
Never know what will happens in the next day
Our hands and heart intertwined
Tightly pull one another on the verse of separation
Our mind tells us to stop
But this heart is already bound to one another
Heavy heart light minded
We walk together separately
Fighting ourselves to be together
We have no reason nor purpose but we yet stay..
This filthy dirty mind beg every edge of this world for us to be together
Killing us by our laughter
We only wait for the day when our heart get killed.
